This blog is more than an account of Near Death Experiences. It ponders in detail the tough questions of life. Who are you, and why are you here in this physical world? What happens when you die, and is there a judgment? However, most anything could appear here. This is not a news blog, archived posts are just as relevant as new posts. Check the boxes at the top of the page for the Contents, Contact, Forum and other links.
I had a near death experience shortly after my eighteenth birthday. I had been the victim of much abuse during the previous two years, and unfortunately, I admit that I turned to drugs.
I decided to try some heavy duty tranquilizers one night with a peer. As soon as the drug began to hit my system I knew something was wrong. I attempted to vomit, but my gag reflex was not working. Breathing became a struggle and I began to feel delirious, out of my mind, inhuman.
I remember leaving my body sometime before I reached the hospital. I remember feeling an enormous amount of love and care from my surroundings, especially the doctors and nurses who were attempting to resuscitate me. I remember looking down at my body and thinking what a lovely girl she was, and light hearted, childlike concern that she feel better.
I soon felt a flashback at that instant, all the way to my very birth in that same hospital. My life had flashed before my eyes in reverse. It could have taken an instant but it felt as though it had taken the same eighteen plus years as it had the first time. I then became aware that the girl was me. I felt somewhat ashamed, but forgave myself for having taken drugs and for damaging my body like that.
I decided that I was going to die. I did not see a white light, but was surrounded by beauty of all forms. I heard the most beautiful music, it was unlike any orchestra or electrical creation that I have heard on earth. I felt as though I were watching the best movie I had ever seen, and that I was the star.
All of life’s questions were being answered, and I remember laughing hysterically and asking myself, “Why couldn’t I remember that?? I knew it all along!” I remember putting the movie on pause and calling for my great grandfather. Suddenly he appeared and welcomed me warmly, though he was very stern. He told me that I must go back. The choice was ultimately mine to make, but that my death was untimely, and that I would regret it. He showed me a shadow of my adult self. I liked the woman I saw, and suddenly felt a desire to become her.
Then I looked down at my flailing body and did not want to return. I had dug a deep hole for myself and it would take many years of sorrow and struggle to undue the damage I had done. I wanted to stay, but I listened to my grandpa. I went back. I remember coming to, and I could still hear the beautiful music. This was God’s gift to me. He rewarded me for accepting the challenge with waking memories of heaven’s music.
My near death experiences that just occurred on December 4, 1998, involved three different instances, where my heart was “flat-lined,” and where the 911 Med-Techs where trying to decide if they should take me to the hospital or just directly to a mortuary.
All of these experiences gave me a deeper understanding of what “love” really is. Specificially, I found it to be a very tangible, touchable thing, not just a feeling.
I still have this understanding with me, as if love is a thickness in the air, or a cloud that fills space in rooms, and around people, as well as animals.
At the hospital, I was out of my body while the doctors and nurses tried to revive me. As I watched all of this, there was dimension and texture to where I was, and what was going on. By the way, the room was literally filled wall-to-wall with people in white. Some that I knew, some that I had a faint recollection of, as in a pre-mortal existance.
I’m regaining my strength now, I’m really drained, but am home with my wife Susan, who called the paramedics.
As far as religious affiliations, I’m a member of the Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints (LDS). The reason I mention this, is the fact that these experiences have increased my compassion and understanding that God loves ALL of his children equally, not just those of my faith.
He may not like some of our actions, but his love is unconditional. How thankful I am to be alive, for myself, my family. In fact my daughter, who is 10, had a very detailed dream about my experience, even before she knew I was ill.
The best moment I know of, was when I died, and went to our real home. Coming back to this world and dealing with it is the worse. It is not (earth) my favorite place any longer!
I did not remember the wreck, so this is heresay, but my account of my visit as SPIRIT IS FACT.
Taking a ride in a 1969 convertable corvette in South Jersey, we hit a tree at 80 mph. Driver went out his door window before car flipped over. I went half out the roof as car flipped and slid 100 ft. down the road. Police set flares up, but could not get the car off of me. Another car did not yield for the flares and ran over me knocking the corvette off me. (Wow I was lucky).
Amazingly, I woke up a week later, I had been in a coma, in the hospital. As my eyes opened I didn’t have any idea what is going on.
The NDE
The feeling I felt of love was so strong; never felt unconditional love before. The only thought I had was this is the dimension of our lord.
In this dark place, looking around, I noticed I had 100 percent of complete thought as normal with no body. I knew I was at the gate to heaven, the love I dwelled in was so intense. The place was so beautiful, tranquil, the best.
This bright, pearly light was to my right. I wanted to go to my father. Then in front of me, two large white translucent hands appeared; palms up, together, offering me the light. Then, to my left, an arm waving for me to come to the light. Then they pointed to me. I said: “THERE IS SOMETHING IN LIFE I HAVE NOT ACHIEVED YET.”
After that, I have more energy, so strong and life is different. People don’t understand; can’t help my confusion; they laugh sometimes; they make me feel bad. But I know I am good, and can not wait to leave this world and go home to my father! B.
The following story is about a dear friend
of mine who almost let her past end her life.
Fortunately, her crisis led her to a deeper
understanding of her true identity as
a spiritual being and encouraged her to
use the tools of creation to create the
kind of life she wanted to live.
Enjoy!
Eileen stumbled up the motel stairs,
blinded by the despair she felt. She
carefully clutched her bag, guarding
the keys to her escape. Glancing around
the hall to be sure no one would disturb
her, Eileen slowly unlocked the
door to her room.
Safely inside, she began to unpack her
bag. She contemplated her plan as she
systematically lined the bottles of pills
on the night stand. No one could stop her
now. She had driven out of town, registered
under a false name, and placed the “Do
Not Disturb” sign on her door. This time
she would make no mistakes. She would take
the pills quickly to assure that death
would come before she could be rescued.
Her suicide was not a cry for help.
She wanted to die.
For the last fifteen years, Eileen had
worked hard in therapy to bring her life
back together. She was raising her two
sons and had managed to complete her masters
degree in counseling. The painful memories
of childhood abuse had not kept her from
securing a job as a college professor.
She had learned to cope with the limitations
of a multiple personality.
Unfortunately, she had recently uncovered
memories with which she could not live. Her
family had subjected her to ritualistic abuse;
consequently, she had participated and observed
events that are too horrifying to describe.
These memories were more than she could bear.
Even though she was a child when these events
occurred, she considered herself evil and wanted
to die. She loved her two sons, but she felt
that they would be better off without her.
Her first suicide attempt had failed. This
time she had to succeed.
Gulping as many pills as she could, Eileen
waited for the inevitable. It was not long
before she drifted into unconsciousness,
the darkness of death overtaking her.
Suddenly the darkness opened, and Eileen found
herself standing at the end of a tunnel of light.
She moved easily through the tunnel to the other
side where she was surrounded by the most
beautiful light she had ever experienced. She
was filled with the feelings of love.
Even though she was without her body, she was
conscious of her individual self. She found
herself in the Presence of God. She knew
immediately she was a part of God, and she
was one with God. There was no sense of
separation; there was only God.
Eileen had committed suicide because she
believed the events in her life were unforgivable.
In this light, she discovered there was no need
for forgiveness because in God there is no judgment.
She was totally loved just as she was.
The message came for her to return to fulfill her
mission on earth. Two days later, she returned to her
body, experiencing a peace that passes all understanding.
Although there is no way to be sure, Eileen believes
she died and spent two days in the Presence of God.
Upon her return, Eileen called a friend to ask for
help. Her friend called the police, who then took
her to the hospital. She was in such a state of peace
that the doctor discharged her, bypassing the usual
psychiatric observation time.
When asked what she learned from her crisis, Eileen
says she now knows she can go through anything. She
has learned that she is a part of God and that God
is all light and love. She is no longer so critical
of herself because God does not judge.
Eileen says that her life has not been without
challenges. She had to make a conscious effort
to change her thoughts, bringing them in line
with what she learned in her near death experience.
She continues to use affirmations and prayer to
deprogram her old way of thinking, allowing her to
express more of her true identity as a part of God.
I hope this story will inspire you to let go
of the past and embrace your true identity as
a child of God.
Have a great day and remember to think
positive thoughts.
Marty Varnadoe Dow, LCSW
(Reprinted with permission from the author, please visit this web site at for a positive experience.)
