Eileen’s Story, (attempted suicide).

A Near Death Experience
Dear Spiritual Traveler,

The following story is about a dear friend
of mine who almost let her past end her life.
Fortunately, her crisis led her to a deeper
understanding of her true identity as
a spiritual being and encouraged her to
use the tools of creation to create the
kind of life she wanted to live.

Enjoy!

Eileen stumbled up the motel stairs,
blinded by the despair she felt. She
carefully clutched her bag, guarding
the keys to her escape. Glancing around
the hall to be sure no one would disturb
her, Eileen slowly unlocked the
door to her room.

Safely inside, she began to unpack her
bag. She contemplated her plan as she
systematically lined the bottles of pills
on the night stand. No one could stop her
now. She had driven out of town, registered
under a false name, and placed the “Do
Not Disturb” sign on her door. This time
she would make no mistakes. She would take
the pills quickly to assure that death
would come before she could be rescued.
Her suicide was not a cry for help.
She wanted to die.

For the last fifteen years, Eileen had
worked hard in therapy to bring her life
back together. She was raising her two
sons and had managed to complete her masters
degree in counseling. The painful memories
of childhood abuse had not kept her from
securing a job as a college professor.
She had learned to cope with the limitations
of a multiple personality.

Unfortunately, she had recently uncovered
memories with which she could not live. Her
family had subjected her to ritualistic abuse;
consequently, she had participated and observed
events that are too horrifying to describe.
These memories were more than she could bear.

Even though she was a child when these events
occurred, she considered herself evil and wanted
to die. She loved her two sons, but she felt
that they would be better off without her.
Her first suicide attempt had failed. This
time she had to succeed.

Gulping as many pills as she could, Eileen
waited for the inevitable. It was not long
before she drifted into unconsciousness,
the darkness of death overtaking her.

Suddenly the darkness opened, and Eileen found
herself standing at the end of a tunnel of light.
She moved easily through the tunnel to the other
side where she was surrounded by the most
beautiful light she had ever experienced. She
was filled with the feelings of love.

Even though she was without her body, she was
conscious of her individual self. She found
herself in the Presence of God. She knew
immediately she was a part of God, and she
was one with God. There was no sense of
separation; there was only God.

Eileen had committed suicide because she
believed the events in her life were unforgivable.
In this light, she discovered there was no need
for forgiveness because in God there is no judgment.
She was totally loved just as she was.

The message came for her to return to fulfill her
mission on earth. Two days later, she returned to her
body, experiencing a peace that passes all understanding.
Although there is no way to be sure, Eileen believes
she died and spent two days in the Presence of God.

Upon her return, Eileen called a friend to ask for
help. Her friend called the police, who then took
her to the hospital. She was in such a state of peace
that the doctor discharged her, bypassing the usual
psychiatric observation time.

When asked what she learned from her crisis, Eileen
says she now knows she can go through anything. She
has learned that she is a part of God and that God
is all light and love. She is no longer so critical
of herself because God does not judge.

Eileen says that her life has not been without
challenges. She had to make a conscious effort
to change her thoughts, bringing them in line
with what she learned in her near death experience.
She continues to use affirmations and prayer to
deprogram her old way of thinking, allowing her to
express more of her true identity as a part of God.

I hope this story will inspire you to let go
of the past and embrace your true identity as
a child of God.

Have a great day and remember to think
positive thoughts.

Marty Varnadoe Dow, LCSW

(Reprinted with permission from the author, please visit this web site at for a positive experience.)

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