A Suicide Story

Just wanted to relate a suicide story. I know that this world is especially tough on our young people right now, and that there are those young people who consider suicide as a way out, I know, I was one. After you read this story I hope you will realize how foolish and self centered it is.

This story is about a 17-year-old high school youth named Tom. He lived across the street with his family from my best friend in the mid-1980’s. He had been doing some PCP (a popular, and very dangerous drug) and it really messed him up psychologically. He was being treated for some months with anti-depressants.

On the first day that he stopped taking them he went into his parent’s bedroom (where there was a cabinet of his step-father’s guns, him being a cop) and shot himself. Apparently he was very resentful of his mother re-marrying and was always acting out, not able to just accept it. His mother had already gone to work for the day so he thought that he was alone at the time. His 8-year-old sister was late going to school and heard the shot and discovered him.

She called her mother at work and the mother came home to find him, dying. Two days later I went over with my friend with some food to visit with her. I notice while we were sitting with her (I was sitting across from her) that there was this flash that streaked toward her on her right side. I thought that this was odd and began thinking about what this could mean later after we had left.

When I really looked at that light what I saw was her son, Tom, racing toward her repeatedly, desperate to get her attention. He was in such agony, because he needed to tell his mother how sorry he was. He thought that by killing himself that he could just be out of pain and that all his problems would be solved. Now he was in his own private hell of his own making and there was no way to stop it.

I can still to this day feel his agony and shock that he was not able to communicate with his mother when he was right there, she couldn’t notice him. He was so very terrified, he didn’t know what else to do. When you die, even by your own hand, you are still conscious, you still know what is going on but are helpless to do anything about it so it makes your problems even worse.

Just do what you have to do to get help. When you are young, you feel like your problems are so permanent that there is nothing that you can do. Don’t believe it, there is always something that you can do. There is always a way out, don’t give up, your life is worth everything. May God Bless the young people of this world, you have value or you wouldn’t be in this world!

J.W

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