This blog is more than an account of Near Death Experiences. It ponders in detail the tough questions of life. Who are you, and why are you here in this physical world? What happens when you die, and is there a judgment? However, most anything could appear here. This is not a news blog, archived posts are just as relevant as new posts. Check the boxes at the top of the page for the Contents, Contact, Forum and other links.
There is plenty in this world to feel fearful about. Businesses shuttered due to a Pandemic. People without pay checks to buy groceries and stay afloat in a diminishing economy. Bankruptcies on homes and offices. It is not pretty. Many people suffering from depression, worry, and guilt. They feel like they have been deserted, abandoned, and nobody cares, no one is listening. They feel people are ignoring their feelings and calls for help.
However, when people ignore our feelings, and calls for help usually it is because there is nothing they can do to change our situation. They also feel helpless, and unable to cope. They desire to help but don’t know how. Others can not eat for us, nor can they think for us. Negative thought patterns can be debilitating, but they can be ameliorated with positive thought patterns, but only if one considers that possibility.
Negative feelings flow from negative thoughts and beliefs. Behind these beliefs and thoughts are fear. All kinds of fear, and fear is impulsive. Fear is self-generated. There is no real reason for anyone to hold fearful thoughts about themselves and/or life.
Fear:
“A strong feeling one gets when one anticipates harm or pain.”
“Something that caused such an emotion.”
Our past is history, and our future remains unknown. The only place we can really live is in the present. By concentrating our efforts on tasks of the day we can let-go of past and future fears. I know this is a lot easier said than done, but happier lives have to begin somewhere.
A big chunk of fear comes from misinformation. Not all our most sacred beliefs are truth. Much of what we believe came from others, and we have never checked to see if they knew what they were talking about.
Our human institutions: Religion, Politics, Schools, Governments, Media, Social Internets, etc., are so full of contradictions and misinformation one should always be skeptical until research can provide truth.
What we believe about ourselves and our world creates our future realities. Yes, that is to say we create our futures through free will choices. Some people believe the world is flat; that the Holocaust never happened; and/or the current Pandemic is a big hoax. You don’t have to be that wrong for your beliefs to cause you fear. Thinking fearful events await at death, thinking you are not worthy, astute, or personable enough to succeed can bring fear and pain into your life. You don’t need to live with this kind of fear any longer. You don’t need to live with any kind of fear.
Emmanuel says it better:
Your entire human experience
is predicated on your viewpoint.
Your viewpoint is predicated
on your inner belief system
and that is predicated on
how much you believe in fear
and how much you believe in love.
Solutions:
This physical world has a definite reason and meaning for being. It is a classroom for us humans to gain understanding of ourselves through learning to balance our thoughts. Here we are confronted with the best and the worst of life in a single day. We make choices to trust and think positive or to distrust and think negative. The whole process is a grand illusion for training purposes.
There is a large amount of planning for each of us. Nothing happens by accident or randomness. The courses are not designed to be easy. They will not be fair or even make sense at times. We come here by choice to gain self-knowledge and grow spiritually.
If you want to grow spiritually, then you must address your fears and let them go. This is done by forgiving yourself and others, while building your love for self and others. Affirmations can be a help if done routinely. Many have an aversion to forgiving those that do wrong to them and others. But holding on to grudges and hate only hurt yourself.
Emmanuel said it the best:
Your intuitive heart is the doorway
that stands between the two worlds.
In your willingness to go against
all reason, all defenses, all habits,
all patterns, all superstitions,
and many teachings, to say, “I will love,”
you walk into the Light.
You honor the illusion
but you will never
become lost in it.
It does not matter if you believe in God, or not. It does not matter if you are spiritual, or not, What you believe is irrelevant to learning to love. Teaching yourself to love that which seems unlovable will change your perspective of life. It will give you hope, confidence, and the ability to live successfully. Unconditional Love never fails to inspire.
I should probably share a bit about my life prior to the NDE, so you can understand the full impact of what happened to me.
I am 26 years old. I had my NDE when I was 22, in April of 1998. It was due to my suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. When I was little I was severely abused by my father and grandfather, I was also a victim of child pornography and prostitution. I had been involved in alcohol and drugs and had an eating disorder for many years. At the time of my “death” I was trying to get my life in order, but with little success. My past was still too painful to face, and without facing the past, I could not successfully and healthfully live in the present. I believe it was these forces which emotionally and physically ripped me in two.
One of the problems that came along with my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was an inability to fall asleep. I was an insomniac. I was terrified of sleeping, since night time and sleep had long been equated with abuse. I started to get less and less sleep. Going from 5 hours, to 4, to 3, to 2, to 1 if I was lucky, until at the very end I wasn’t sleeping at all. I simply let myself deteriorate. I had lost my will to live, and I was starving myself as well as not drinking enough fluids. After 6 nights of not sleeping at all, I wound up in the hospital, severely ill.
The doctors told my mother that they didn’t know if I would make it or not. (She did not tell me this until years later). All I remember was that I was in the hospital room, and all of a sudden I was surrounded by this bright yellowish-white, almost golden light. It was brighter off into the distance, and I was seeing this light as though it were superimposed over the landscape out the window. All of a sudden, I was somehow being pulled towards this light, and it was the most undescribable feeling of peace and love I had ever experienced. It was pure ecstacy. My heart was alive, it felt as though I had streams of cool endlessly flowing water running through it, and it was the most exhilirating feeling! I never wanted the feeling to stop and I was so happy!! (for the first time in my life!) I was just enthralled and held in this state for what felt like a long time. It were as though all knowledge was being poured through me, that nothing was being held back. I was so loved, and all of my questions were being answered.
Then I heard a nurse screaming at me. She sounded so angry, and I could see her as though I were looking from a point near the corner of the ceiling looking down. She was grabbing me and trying to give me some medicine. I wasn’t responding to her. Finally I was somehow back in my body, and I do not remember the entire sequence of events after that, but that was when things got very weird and scary.
I hovered around death for the remainder of the day (the first experience was in the early afternoon). I was very, very sad to be back. At the same time I was able to “sense” certain things. I was able to look at my grandmother and see the pain that her past had caused. I could “hear” the guilt she felt over an abortion in her past, and how she buried that pain. I could “feel” and sense negative thoughts around people. I could literally sense what they were thinking. This really fascinated me, although it was a bit frightening. I wanted to love everyone! The only people I was not sensing negativity coming from were my mother, who had long ago worked through a lot of her own psychological issues, and a male nurse named Michael. From them, I only sensed concern over my well-being.
I remained in this state for a while, but then my own negative past took over. Since I hadn’t really dealt with the painful issues of my past they hit me full on. All the old guilt, pain, and buried anger came soaring back, only this time, I felt it was going to consume me. And consume me it did. I started thinking how unworthy I was of what I had experienced, I started thinking all these horrible, bad thoughts about myself and I sank back into my old state of gut wrenching depression. That’s when I had my second NDE. This one was the most horrible thing that anyone could imagine.
I was lying in the bed when all of a sudden I experienced this blackness. There was no light, there was nothing. It wasn’t even that I could see the blackness, it just existed, and I knew it was there. All of a sudden there were these beings all around me. I can’t remember how many, but I felt that they were beings that had been around me for a while and had been waiting for this moment. They started pulling at me and took me to this place of absolute desperation. There was nothing, and yet I existed in this horrible void. The essense of this void was that it was an ABSENCE OF GOD. I want to stress that emphatically. It was absolute torture..nothing, absolutely nothing can describe this pain. It was my worst nightmare come true. The beings there told me that all of my family was doomed to be in the void and that it would be my fault. Even talking about it is very, very hard. It was pure terror.
I don’t remember how I came back, but after what seemed like an eternity I was back in the hospital, in my body. I tried to tell people about what I had experienced, but they thought I was crazy. I told my fiance at the time about what I had experienced. I could not stop talking about it. He left me two weeks later. I recovered physically, but not emotionally. The negative effects of the second experience stayed with me for three years! (and over the past year the positive effects of the first one have been coming out). I gave up all faith in everything, but at the same time I outwardly professed a lack of belief, inwardly I feared I was doomed to that awful void, and that very many people were also going there.
I no longer believe that. The main difference between the two NDE’s, I believe, was my state of mind at the time. During the first one, I knew in my heart that I was loved, I was ready for a peaceful death and it happened. During the second one, I was letting my deepest fears play out in front of me. I thought I was beyond help and beyond hope. I truly believe that had I asked for help during the second one, it would have come. Instead, I felt not even God could help me, and I remained in that awful place.
I couldn’t escape from the after effects of these experiences, as much as I tried. Over the past three years, I have seen a “ghost” and have had other bizarre encounters with supernatural forces. Things touch me when there is nothing or no one who could possibly have done so. I have had a phone call from my dead aunt when I was in a time of distress. I’ve had prophetic dreams. I am having an awful time with thunderstorms because lightning is drawn to me like a magnet. Over the past year, lightning has come within literally inches of striking me numerous times. Usually at a distance of about two feet, but the last strike was literally within inches.
My doctor even joked that I might have a metal plate in my head that I don’t know about. I can feel energy coursing through me at times. I can sense the emotions of animals and plants. And sometimes I can sense spirits around people, their loved ones that are trying to guide them and get messages through to them. My body has also changed. I can no longer eat any kind of meat or it will sour in my stomach. Processed foods bother me and make me feel ill. I buy organic groceries. I need to exercise or I sink into a depression. I cannot ingest into my body anything that in anyway harms it.
At the time of my “death” I was a Catholic, but I have since then expanded my views to a more universal one of love, not being dictated by dogma or religion, since I firmly believe that when it comes down to it, God is pure energy, pure Love, and nothing more, but S/he will manifest in whatever form is most loving and comforting to you. I still have my good days and my bad days, days where I feel out of balance and out of touch, but as I am healing my past, those are becoming less and less frequent with each passing day.
I am no where near perfect, but I try to live my life based from my heart and share love with all those I meet. I think of all the things my near-death experiences taught me, the most important thing was to share the love I was given with others, letting them know they are not alone and that we are all very special and wonderful. I am constantly amazed at how many people deny this reality, and it can become very frustrating at times. I can see how if everyone would awaken to this beauty, what a wonderful world this place would become. There would be no more wars and hatred. There would only be love. I have lost some friends over this. They see me as being naive and childlike and have told me so. (and many of them are themselves peace and civil rights activists).
It hurts me, but I know that without a connection to that divine source I felt when I “died”, I am lost. I know one thing I need to work on is accepting people for where they are, since I have an uncanny ability now to get directly to the heart of any unresolved emotional issues and try to get them to work on them whether they are ready to or not. But I feel that if I can help just one person to realize how wonderful and loved they truly are, then my life will be worth it. I am intensely grateful to God for letting me glimpse the afterlife and to know that we are all here on a mission, each and everyone of us.
Near Death Experiences reveal we live after our physical death, and that our lives are full of meaning and purpose. They show us the spiritual world is our real home. We come here by choice to learn about ourselves and to gain knowledge for our spiritual future.
In the physical world we learn the alphabet, so we can put letters together to form words. Those who master large numbers of words can communicate quickly and efficiently with others. Research shows the bigger the vocabulary, the better the chance one has to become successful.
In the spirit world it is thoughts we learn about. The physical world provides the teaching for us. Here we see our thoughts in action, our hopes and desires, as well as our fears, unfolding before us even as we think about them. Thought translates into reality, how fast this happens depends on the intensity and frequency of the thought. “We are what we think.” is truth.
We are learning to understand the importance of thinking, focusing thought into useful constructive ideas, and beliefs for the benefit of ourselves and others. Some call this positive thinking, spiritual people call it learning to love. Love is the tool to gain spiritual growth. The more you love the greater the growth.
When we give up the negative thoughts and start working with loving ourselves and others, many wonderful things happen. We can understand things better, gain knowledge quicker, and live peaceful, stress free lives. It is not an easy path, but it is worth the extra effort.
Start today to honor your thoughts with the importance they deserve. Listen to yourself, notice how others react to you. Make adjustments in your thinking to help yourself. Read positive books, do positive affirmations, listen to positive thoughts, and replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts.
While the physical world can be really tough at times, it is always safe. The Higher Intelligence (God) that created it, and you, is always there within it all. Learning to love will open the door of communication, and understanding will flow to you from the Love. You will reap what you sow.
You are always held, safe and secure, in God’s Love. No matter what others may think of you. No matter what you may think of yourself. God loves you. You can not fall from His grace. Love is your eternal birthright. You can not lose it. It is endless.
God loves you more than you realize, more than you can imagine while in physical form. He sets no limits or conditions. His Love is unconditional. You don’t have to do anything, believe anything, or be anyone special to deserve it. You are His perfect child, in whom He is well pleased.
In the winter of 1989 (I was 13), the filters that were on our furnace became clogged and carbon monoxide from the natural gas began leaking back into the house. I became very sick from the fumes because I stayed home from school “sick”, but my brother and mother/father both kept going to work/school, so they did not get as sick as I did.
Anyway, doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me, and kept referring my mother to psychiatrists. We saw allergists during this time, and I was tested for food allergies (showed up to wheat and citrus and a few others), but this did not explain why I was sleeping 16-20 hours a day. Even at Christmas that year I was only able to sit with my family an hour before being too exhausted to stay awake any longer. These months were a dark, grey time where I remember very little except for this.
One night I awoke and found myself down the street, floating about 50 feet off the ground. I was standing upright, and it felt like there was a thin thread attached to the skin of my heart that was pulling me forward. I looked to my right and saw other people at different heights drifting forward in this same fashion. The direction I was going was eastward, toward a massive, beautiful mountain whose peak was obscured by a brilliant white/gold light. I had the impression that this mountain lay just beyond the edge of our world, not within it.
At this moment, I looked down and saw the road and Park beneath my feet and said to myself “I can’t be flying” and suddenly I dropped from the sky into the snow. I looked up at the mountain again and thought “I can’t get there if I can’t fly.” I was suddenly very concerned about not being able to reach the mountain. Then, I thought “hey, I was just flying, maybe if I re-create that feeling in my heart, I will be able to fly again.” So I concentrated on my heart and focused, creating a sense of buoyancy. I rose up and moved toward the mountain again, much faster this time.
I came to rest about 100 feet from the summit, right on the edge of a cliff that faced the world. Soft green grass with tiny flowers grew here, and curled over the cliff edge a little. There was also a grove of trees loosely spaced around. If you can imagine the most perfect spring day, where the breeze is blowing and the world is waking up from a winters rest, growing. It was so beautiful that even thinking about it still brings me peace and happiness.
I looked up towards the summit and there seemed to be snow there, but emanating from the summit was this blinding white/gold light. It did not hurt to look upon it, and it seemed to have form (light being solid — hard to describe).
This light then pulsed at me, and the meaning pulsed through my whole being: “Do You Want To Stay Here?” I could not answer. I looked off the cliff edge back to earth. I could see the curvature of the earth, and clouds covering the landscape. I could see the individual street that my family lived on, and my house. If you were to look at a faraway hill, it would be like being able to see individual grains of sand and blades of grass.
I felt a concern for my parents, what they would feel like if I stayed here. I wasn’t sure of what to decide, because I felt inadequate to make a decision. Suddenly, I rushed off the mountain and woke up in my bed, feeling so energized. The weakness in my body was still there, but it didn’t seem as heavy anymore.
Within a few weeks, we saw another Allergist. She tested us for various kinds of chemicals. My Ethanol reaction was off the charts. She asked us if we had natural gas heating our home, my mother said yes, and the doctor said “you should get it checked.”
We got home and called the heating and air guy and he came out. His comment “boy am I sure glad you called me, the filters on your furnace were so clogged, another couple of weeks and you would have been dead.”
I took several years to digest the experience. The last ten or so, I have been living with severe environmental illness. I am so allergic to petroleum products and various chemicals (not to mention wood dust and indoor molds) that having a job or a home that does not have something in it that makes me sick has been an impossibility. There have only been a handful of days this decade where I felt “healthty” like I did before my sickness.
I am not afraid of death, I only fear to forget love/peace/beauty so much that it changes me away from being able to feel joy/happiness/hope. It has been hard, my illness changes my moods to negative very often, but I have come to see these feelings as chemicals in my body, the “real” me is separate from my body.
It allows me to operate to a degree even with severe pains shooting though my head and other parts of my body. Soon I hope to be able to build a home that will not make me sick.
Sorry to ramble on like that, I hope there is some information for someone in here. Reading near death experiences has been very good for my soul over the years. Please do not be afraid to share yours if you feel in your heart that the listener can benefit from it.
