This blog is more than an account of Near Death Experiences. It ponders in detail the tough questions of life. Who are you, and why are you here in this physical world? What happens when you die, and is there a judgment? However, most anything could appear here. This is not a news blog, archived posts are just as relevant as new posts. Check the boxes at the top of the page for the Contents, Contact, Forum and other links.
Cool website. I agree, the lasting impression from an NDE is profound.When I was 11 years old, I got a sore throat that didn’t go away and because I come from a family of 10, going to the doctor was a luxury. The sore throat, left untreated, was discovered to be strep and since it cannot go away with antibiotics, the strep infection settled in my kidneys and I then had a kidney infection/diseased called Nephritis (Bright’s Disease). The second night in the hospital, I started to cry when my Mom and Dad were going home after visiting, because instinctively, I knew I would never see them again. Because I was a kid, I knew they were keeping this from me; however, the body and the mind KNOW. They left wondering why I was acting so strange. Eleven year olds don’t cry like that when Mommy and Daddy leave. Well, at 11 p.m. that night, the hospital called to tell my parents that it wasn’t likely that I would survive the night. Last rites were given and they monitored me all night, every 15 minutes.
In between the blood pressure monitorings, I remember being in the corner of the room, near the ceiling and looking down at my body as the nurse took my blood pressure. I wondered, hmmmmmmmmm, what the heck am I doing down there? I’m obviously up here! Seemed strange, but I didn’t worry about it. All of a sudden, there was a suction and I was moving through a tunnel at very, very, very high speed. When I came to an abrupt halt, I noticed 8 lighted beings off to my right and a big, beautiful white light directly in front of me.
Wow, I thought, and started heading towards that white light. I remember feeling a lot of peace, not sick, and the light seemed to have a “personality” or “essence” to it. It wasn’t just a big ‘ol floodlight. Felt great and I loved it. Just as I was walking towards the light, the lighted beings (angels–no wings) called me over to the side and told me to wait for a more superior being to arrive. I waited. The being arrived and then showed me part of my past and some of my future.
In particular, my little brother, Tim. Well, Tim is very hyper and a bit of a brat, so my response to the angels when shown some “footage” of Tim acting up and not being nice to me was, “Well, yea, Timmy’s a brat.” as if everyone in the Universe already knew that and there was nothing more to know. I was told by the angels, “Do not make their problem, your problem, Dear One.” OK, I thought and thoughts are how you communicate here, not voice. It didn’t make much sense, but OK. I was then asked if I wanted to go into the light or back to the body. This seemed like Sophie’s Choice to me, so I looked back down the tunnel and then turned my head and back to the light, back down the tunnel, back to the light, back and forth, back and forth.
I understood that there were boundaries there and that if I went into the light, I could not come back and visa versa. I also understood that what I could have there I couldn’t have here and what I could have with my body, I couldn’t have there. I was told that I would be ill and that was not negotiable. I was also told that they would never leave me and all I had to do was ask for their help and help would arrive. At that point I said, “I want to live.” and as I finished the thought, I felt that same strong suction grab me again and carry me back down the tunnel. I did not re-enter the body gently. It was like a big BAM! and I opened my eyes and the nurse was standing next to me taking my blood pressure … again or still? Well, I looked up at her and said, “I’m going to be OK, now.” She looked at me as if I was delusional, but then I started healing in leaps and bounds leaving the docs and staff with their heads spinning.
I remember they wheeled me downstairs to get an EKG the next day and I thought, “You’re a day late and a dollar short. It has been decided. I’m fine now.” Well, the doctor didn’t really understand why I was healing all of a sudden, but attributed it to the penicillin shot I got. I’m sure it helped, but well, no. He kept me there for 2 weeks and then released me. I healed completely, but at 31 years old, almost exactly 20 years later, I was diagnosed with a form of Muscular Dystrophy, which is incurable.
I remembered that I came back because in the moment I decided, I thought even if my body doesn’t work quite right, I will always have the help of these angels and I want to come back for my shot at love. I understood that everything was worth it for love. I wanted it that much. Even though love was in the tunnel, clearly and abundantly, love with a body and in the physical world was a gift and I knew it and was willing to do so with a body that wouldn’t work right. This was not negotiable. It was dictated to me and I needed to choose if I would return, not what kind of body I could return to.
Ironically, even though I was cured of the kidney disease one year later, the diagnosis 20 years later meant my family would be tested in ways I couldn’t imagine. I always asked for help from my angels and I did not hide the fact that I believed in angels. This labeled me as “nuts” for my family to ridicule and my brother Tim and sister Jenny has refused to allow me to see their children. They don’t want them to have “my influence.” On Christmas, when I was in the hospital for surgery, they all brought me a figurine of an angel to the hospital, but then refused to let me see their kids.
Strange. So, the advice that the angels gave me, “Do not make their problem, your problem, Dear One.” now makes sense to me, many, many, many years later. There have been days I have regretted choosing to come back, but overall, I am challenged to discover my place in this world and yes, I have been asked to marry. I have said no to all. They would have provided security, etc., but not the love I stood in when I went to that white light. I know that it is out there and I am not afraid of my family members telling me that I am some loser for not marrying.
When I go back to that tunnel with a white light, I do not want to have to say, “Yes, I know you taught me what love is when I was here last, but I had a little peer pressure, so I married Mr. OK. I didn’t want to be the last kid to get married, you know.” I can handle the ridicule. I want what I experienced in that tunnel with a white light or nothing at all. I was a kid though, and acceptance of my illness and my body in this culture has been brutal. I have been told many reasons why I am ill ranging from “got myself sick (and supported by the Bible).” to I must have eaten the wrong foods, been depressed, or am trying to get attention.
None of the above are true and I don’t feel the need to prove that to anyone. My values are different from my family’s and when people meet me and my family, they swear I was not raised in the family I have. Some other guidance has been there …. healing me and loving me.
I was 16 when I had a NDE. It was in the mid 70’s. I took a few to many careless risks and ended up having an accident. After the accident I found myself looking down at my body on the ground from a position maybe five feet above. There was no shock or fear, it was sort of like leaving a house that you had lived in for years. As I starting noticing my surroundings, I discovered that I could perceive so much more than when I relied upon my physical senses. I was at the same location but there was so much more. What stood out most was the way everything vibrated with light.
I was then engulfed in a pure white light while still at the same position. The light was like an aura of a being who was pure peace, love, understanding, and also enlightenment itself. I remember seeing all of the events of my life almost simultaneously. I felt a great shame at many of the things that I had done that were based on selfishness, pride, greed, fear, and etc., but no condemnation from the light. I really can not seem to remember much more of the life review or the being of light, but I know that a lot more occurred. I think that I am either blocking it out because it was painful or that maybe I was not intended to remember it because it would hinder my progress.
The next thing I remember was being with a group of beings like myself with one being who was the guide or was in charge of us all. Our bodies were transparent multicolored light and we appeared to have some sort of white robe like garment. It was also made of light. The only communication that I remember was by direct thought and feeling. As soon as another being would think a thought directed towards me it would just enter my consciousness. We were all sitting in space looking back at the earth in silent meditation. There was still such a great feeling of love and peace that words can not describe, but coming from the Earth was an strong feeling of conflict. You could sense the millions of battles being fought and the lack of peace.
I was then told by the being that was acting as the group guide that I had to return. I did not want to return to the conflicts and leave the peace, but somehow I knew that I had to return. As soon as I had the thought that “yes, I have to return” it all ended.
At the time, I thought that I had to return to perform some great deed, but after almost 25 years I think that I had to return because I have so much more to learn.
It was five days after the accident that I regained consciousness.
The experience has made a tremendous difference to my life.
In 1971 I was a passenger in an automobile accident at midnight while making a left turn at a huge intersection. My friend and I were following other cars in front of us, all going out to the county to visit a friend who could not attend the bbq party we had just left. All the cars made the left turn, and soon we came up the intersection to turn. Something was not right as we began to enter the intersection.I saw before us, a set of headlight coming down from the air, as if it was a plane coming down. Months later I realized I was seeing a car coming up and over a hill crest, and down into the intersection. It was hidden until it reached that crest. I tried to speak to the driver of the car I was in, to warn him, but my voice would not say anything. Everytime I looked at the car headlights coming toward us, they were getting bigger and bigger, and then they were at my side window, right before my eyes. I new we had made the left turn.I can’t tell you how fearful that was, seeing the headlights next to my face at my window.
Now it was silent. I became aware that I could hear nothing. I became so surprised that I was not feeling any pain. It defied my mind. Within a few minutes I was up in the dark about 15 feet or less, from the front window of the car. I was looking down. I saw a girl in the front seat. She was lying with the left side of her face, and her left ear, on the seat of the car, all curled up, but her body was under the steering wheel.
I realized she was wearing the same clothes I was wearing and I thought this was most unusual, my hovering over the front windshield, seeing a “twin”. Then I saw her face. It was me. I also felt no pain yet.
Then I felt myself being sucked slowly downward to the windshield. I thought I was going to slam into it and tried to shield my face with my arm. The next thing I knew I was hearing some voices near my right ear. I realized that was strange but I then remembered I saw myself lying on my left side. I became aware the left side of my face was on this cool-like cushion. At that moment, I felt someone hold my hand and call my name. He identified himself as my friend, the one in the car before us that already went through the intersection. I faded away again.
I never remembered anything until I heard a voice tell me I was in an ambulance and he asked me what hospital I wanted to go to. I remembered my mom lived on the other side of town. So I told him where I wanted to go. I also heard him swear, and then said, “Hit it”. I fell back unconscious. I saw myself again hovering over my body in the ambulance and was surprised to feel the ceiling of the ambulance at the back of my head and touching my shoulders.
Suddenly I felt a bump and knew we had gone over the railroad tracks by my mom’s house, and I knew where I was. I heard the siren screaming. Then I was aware I was back on the cot, and I said I could not breathe. I felt the oxygen coming to face and drifted out again.
The next thing I knew I was alone in a room that looked like a “kitchen”. There were counters all around and cupboards. I turned to my right and saw a resident doctor. I recognized the back of his head. A week before a girlfriend had called me up and said the older brother of one of our classmates was not a resident at that hospital. I called his name. He suddenly jerked around and looked at me with a frightened stare. I said his name, and to please help me. He was shocked.
Now I was hovering over my body again, but this time it was in an operating room, and I was up at the ceiling again, looking down. There I was, the body on the table. And all these nurses and doctors were around me, I saw their backs of their heads. The nurses were still wearing white and some at their white hats on. One girl to the left of my body had short dark hair.
I felt a sudden jerk again, and it was like I began to be lowered one foot at a time closer to my body. I thought this “body” and I would crash together and hit our heads, so I began to call out and brace myself. I began to hear a man’s voice calling my name and telling me to breathe, take a deep breath. Do not stop. Breathe. I became aware I was on my back and my attention came to my lungs. I was wondering why he was saying that to me. I was also aware I was not breathing, and was not even desiring to. I did not feel like I was suffocating. I was peaceful. I wanted to sleep, but the Dr. kept asking me to breathe.
I got upset at him and did not want to do it, but just to get him to leave me alone, I took a breath, thinking he would stop talking to me. The first breath I took, I forced it. Then I did not go again. The Dr. kept telling me to keep going. Don’t stop. I could not tell him to not talk to me. So I took one other, then I said I was going to not do it anymore. But instead I began breathing on my own. I suddenly opened my eyes. I was immediately facing the nurse with the dark hair, to my left and thought that odd.
Then she gasped and put her hands to her face. She said, “we did it. We did it. She’s breathing”. I followed each person from her, toward my feet and up again to my right side, to the Dr’s face. They were all the way I saw them from the ceiling.
From that point, I went in and out and only remember screaming when they lifted me to a bed. I lost 14 units of blood. Nothing inside me was where it was supposed to be and I was bleeding internally faster than they could get the blood in me.
Later I found out from my mom that she and dad were told I had died. Then came back. Then died. And came back. I was not ever to walk again. But God had other plans. He made me look at the bathroom door beside my bed. I hate the bed pan. I desired more than anything that I would rise up and become independent and make it to that bathroom door. And in 3 months, I did.
A friend fell asleep while driving and the car left the freeway. As a front seat passenger, I awoke to what looked like footage in a safari film; I remember the grass moving by quickly and the “picture” shown in the windshield was bouncing up and down. Instantly time seemed to slow down to almost a standstill as is usual with a person experiencing shock. The car began to flip over and I experienced an explosion of light in my head like fireworks.
This I would later interpret as the subjective effect to my head hitting the top of the car. I felt the sense of tumbling and repeated flashes of light. The sense of terror and complete helplessness was voiced internally as “Is this it?” It was a shocked sense of having one’s life, that which one holds familiar and precious, coming to an end and with a suddenness which is unimaginable. With this sense of disbelief, I had a strong sense of wanting the tumbling and explosions of light to stop.
The separation of “self” from the identity with my body was not a mental event that seemed unusual, now that I look back at it. Like slipping into an immediate dream when one lies down to sleep, but then snaps back to normal wakefulness, I did not have an awareness of any event of separation. What was totally unique was a strong sense of movement, that is, the “self” as a conscious entity was moving toward somewhere. I had a very clear sense of movement to another place. I had a sense that this place was inhabited by others and that it was a place with physical dimension but filmly as I now picture a subtler reality. The most important sense I experienced was the familiarilty of this movement. My experience was that of having made this passage before. There was a super- or hyper-real quality to this experience. At the moment of experiencing this sense of movement, I knew it was familiar. It seemed an instant later, the car came to a stop as if it were dropped from the sky. I was back in my pre-tumbling reality.
From this experience I have taken a view of the separate “self” of mental continuum as well as an appreciation of the idea of previous lives.
I offer this to you simply with the hope that it might reinforce some good quality mind.
