This blog is more than an account of Near Death Experiences. It ponders in detail the tough questions of life. Who are you, and why are you here in this physical world? What happens when you die, and is there a judgment? However, most anything could appear here. This is not a news blog, archived posts are just as relevant as new posts. Check the boxes at the top of the page for the Contents, Contact, Forum and other links.
wasn’t sure whether or not to post on this message board. I was invited to this board by a friend, and had to give it some serious consideration. I have since decided that it might be helpful to get these feelings out.
I had a unique experience on Wednesday, February 5, 2002. That was only 5 days ago. My birthday was Friday, February 8, 2002.
As I slept in my bed on Wednesday evening near midnight, I had a strange dream of my stepfather holding me in his arms as I was being rushed to the hospital in the back seat of a taxicab. My heart was beating so fast (in my dream) that I thought it would explode.
The dream was so intense, that I woke up…When I woke up, my heart was actually beating fast. I lay there waiting for it to slow down, thinking it was an anxiety attack, but it seemed to beat faster. I could not call out for my children. I could barely breathe. My breaths were short bursts, like when a woman is in labor. I dialed 911 and told them I thought I was having a heart attack. They said to stay calm, they were sending someone right over. I dialed my daughter’s phone across the hall and told her to come in my room right away. She did. She was terrified, and I didn’t have any words of wisdom for her. Here I was — dying — and I could not think of anything clever to say to my oldest child.
Somehow that still bothers me more than the incident itself. I stopped trying to think at all. Suddenly, my ex-husband was here (my daughter had called her dad) and the paramedics were upstairs in my bedroom. They were poking and prodding and telling me to remain calm. My heart was racing at 200 beats per minute. Really. My daughter said that she was watching the heart monitor the whole time they were working on me, and the lowest it got was 198. So, they attached all of these electrodes to me — everywhere. Then they found my one good vein and gave me an IV, then proceeded to carry me (a heavy 200 pound woman) downstairs on a gurney.
That, in itself, was enough to bring on a heart attack. They started going down the stairs, then one said “I should go first”, and turned around, then one said “No, I think I should go first”, so it took a while simply deciding who would bear my weight down my steep stairs! I kept my eyes closed all the way down! Then I remember feeling cold and asking for a blanket. They said, “We are only going to be outside for a second, we’re taking you straight into the ambulance, hang in there”. My daughter heard this, and ran upstairs to get her comforter off of her bed and brought it to them.
Next thing I knew I was in the ambulance, still breathing in short spurts with my heart racing at 200 or thereabouts. I just knew I was dying, and I was thinking of all the things that I thought I should be thinking about. What do people think about before they die??? I thought about my children, who would care for them. My son would be 8 tomorrow (born one day before my birthday) and I would be gone. Who would take care of my babies??? And my home?
Nobody could afford to pay my house note. Is my insurance current? Will it cover the cost of my home and my burial? Wait! I think I have homeowner’s insurance. And credit card insurance. And bank account insurance. But, is it accidental only? Where did I put all of this information? Will anyone be able to find the papers? Where is my ex-husband? Is he following the ambulance? Oh, my goodness…my grandmother. She’s 90 years old, and I’m her heart. This will kill her. She will die of a broken heart. And, my baby brother. He’s more like my son, and he’s so far away in Maryland, he will be devastated. He has no money to travel to Texas. Somebody please call him, and my mom. I’m so scared.
And, my thoughts were racing like this for what seemed like forever in the back of that ambulance. Then one of the paramedics said, “We will have to give you medicine. You will feel really strange, but it will be okay. You’re doing good. Just try to relax.” When they injected the medicine in my arm, I felt myself float away…they actually stopped my heart. But, it didn’t help. My heartbeat was still racing. They said, “We will have to double the injection. Okay, we’re going to give you the medicine again. You will feel strange again. You did good the first time. It’ll be okay. We need to slow down your heart.” And, I felt myself float a little higher.
It was like I turned into air for a few seconds. Then I literally FELT my heart start beating again. I don’t remember seeing a light, but I do remember feeling totally weightless, and out of body. It was a very unusual experience, to say the least. At the hospital, I began to feel better as my heartbeat slowed down.
I remember thinking how close I came to leaving this world. My entire perspective changed. I decided to take a new outlook on life. Nothing and no one bothers me anymore. I was all alone in my pain in that body on Wednesday, and by the grace of God, I was given a second chance. I was told that if they didn’t slow my heart down, I was headed straight to heart failure.
Needless to say, it was a very frightening experience. I have determined to make some serious lifestyle changes, to include losing at least 50 pounds, and to reduce my level of stress. That’s my story. I hope that someone will be blessed by it, and learn the very important lesson that “people don’t last forever”. Live each day as if it were your last, because one day, it will be.
The following story is about a dear friend
of mine who almost let her past end her life.
Fortunately, her crisis led her to a deeper
understanding of her true identity as
a spiritual being and encouraged her to
use the tools of creation to create the
kind of life she wanted to live.
Enjoy!
Eileen stumbled up the motel stairs,
blinded by the despair she felt. She
carefully clutched her bag, guarding
the keys to her escape. Glancing around
the hall to be sure no one would disturb
her, Eileen slowly unlocked the
door to her room.
Safely inside, she began to unpack her
bag. She contemplated her plan as she
systematically lined the bottles of pills
on the night stand. No one could stop her
now. She had driven out of town, registered
under a false name, and placed the “Do
Not Disturb” sign on her door. This time
she would make no mistakes. She would take
the pills quickly to assure that death
would come before she could be rescued.
Her suicide was not a cry for help.
She wanted to die.
For the last fifteen years, Eileen had
worked hard in therapy to bring her life
back together. She was raising her two
sons and had managed to complete her masters
degree in counseling. The painful memories
of childhood abuse had not kept her from
securing a job as a college professor.
She had learned to cope with the limitations
of a multiple personality.
Unfortunately, she had recently uncovered
memories with which she could not live. Her
family had subjected her to ritualistic abuse;
consequently, she had participated and observed
events that are too horrifying to describe.
These memories were more than she could bear.
Even though she was a child when these events
occurred, she considered herself evil and wanted
to die. She loved her two sons, but she felt
that they would be better off without her.
Her first suicide attempt had failed. This
time she had to succeed.
Gulping as many pills as she could, Eileen
waited for the inevitable. It was not long
before she drifted into unconsciousness,
the darkness of death overtaking her.
Suddenly the darkness opened, and Eileen found
herself standing at the end of a tunnel of light.
She moved easily through the tunnel to the other
side where she was surrounded by the most
beautiful light she had ever experienced. She
was filled with the feelings of love.
Even though she was without her body, she was
conscious of her individual self. She found
herself in the Presence of God. She knew
immediately she was a part of God, and she
was one with God. There was no sense of
separation; there was only God.
Eileen had committed suicide because she
believed the events in her life were unforgivable.
In this light, she discovered there was no need
for forgiveness because in God there is no judgment.
She was totally loved just as she was.
The message came for her to return to fulfill her
mission on earth. Two days later, she returned to her
body, experiencing a peace that passes all understanding.
Although there is no way to be sure, Eileen believes
she died and spent two days in the Presence of God.
Upon her return, Eileen called a friend to ask for
help. Her friend called the police, who then took
her to the hospital. She was in such a state of peace
that the doctor discharged her, bypassing the usual
psychiatric observation time.
When asked what she learned from her crisis, Eileen
says she now knows she can go through anything. She
has learned that she is a part of God and that God
is all light and love. She is no longer so critical
of herself because God does not judge.
Eileen says that her life has not been without
challenges. She had to make a conscious effort
to change her thoughts, bringing them in line
with what she learned in her near death experience.
She continues to use affirmations and prayer to
deprogram her old way of thinking, allowing her to
express more of her true identity as a part of God.
I hope this story will inspire you to let go
of the past and embrace your true identity as
a child of God.
Have a great day and remember to think
positive thoughts.
Marty Varnadoe Dow, LCSW
(Reprinted with permission from the author, please visit this web site at for a positive experience.)
Evil did not come from God. God is unconditional love, and creates out of His love all the things of the universe. There are no mistakes, no less than love creations, and none of God’s creations ever become anything less than they were created to be. This means all God’s children are created in His image of perfect love, and remain perfect love forever. God’s children, that’s every single one of us humans, are eternal beings created in God’s love.
The physical world, in which we now live, was created to provide a classroom for young souls to learn about themselves and others. Here we take physical bodies that seemingly separate us from others. Then by learning about others we learn about ourselves. We rediscover who we really are, something not possible to do in the Oneness of the spiritual world. The physical world shows us a duality. Full of ups and downs, blacks and whites, hot and cold, etc., etc. A world of choice, perfect to exercise our God given free will, and stretch our young emotions and imaginations.
When the physical world was first created there was cooperation between God’s children who came to learn. They worked together to build their houses and gather their food. It was a true Eden where spiritual love was the main theme of physical life. They learned from each other, and they also learned from the duality of the physical world. Making choices that benefitted themselves as well as others. At that time the earth was as it is in heaven.
However, over the years, their focus began to change gradually from spiritual love to love of material things offered by the physical world. People became territorial, saying: “this is my land, and that is your land.” Cooperation faded into competition, they began to feel separated from each other, as well separated from God, and His love. Groups of like-minded people started communities or tribes. The tribes went their separate ways from one another, and started countries with well defined borders. Forgetting they were once One, becoming strangers to one another.
As the separation became greater, feelings of love became less. People began to fear about having enough. Enough food, shelter, land, and other material things. Fear turned into worry, and anxiety about personal survival in the physical world. They forgot they were God’s eternal children, they forgot the light of love, and slipped into ever deepening darkness. Fear is the father of all negative emotions. Guilt, jealousy, hate, greed, and anger, to list a few. With fear came evil. The strong took from the weak, the powerful took from everyone.
Tribes and countries warred on one another for material gain. God became symbolic and far away. Some began to fear God, and attribute Him with negative emotions such as jealousy, punishment, and revenge. Some began to say God doesn’t exist at all. Yet everything was as it should be.
The Father looked upon the mistakes of His children, and sent master spiritual teachers to show them the path back to light, love, and compassion.
Jesus said: Matthew 6:24:
No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they.
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.
Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.
If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’
For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Jesus said: Matthew 7:7:
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
Jesus said: Luke 12:32:
Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.
Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
But the people heard them not. Those teachers that were not murdered, and some that were, became objects of worship that would create great religions. Religions full of doctrine and rituals while the teachings of the Masters largely went unheeded or ignored.
Not being able to accept responsibility for their mistakes, and the evil they caused to fall upon the earth. People created demons, and devils upon which to blame the lack of light in the world, and the deepening darkness. Some even blamed God for the chaos they had caused, saying God was to blame for letting it happen.
But not all people ignored the teachings, there were still some that understood and began to walk the path back to God’s love. The path to love is a personal spiritual path. They heeded the teachings of love.
Jesus said: Matthew 5:38:
Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.
And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also. And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.
Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.
Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.
The earth school was now complete. The beginning classes were now graduating from the duality of the lessons. The cycle was complete. All would graduate at their own pace, some quickly and some not so quickly. The perfect had experienced imperfection and regained the knowledge of good with a renewed enthuiasm of life. They now know the importance of love, caring, and compassion. And all was as it should be.
