This blog is more than an account of Near Death Experiences. It ponders in detail the tough questions of life. Who are you, and why are you here in this physical world? What happens when you die, and is there a judgment? However, most anything could appear here. This is not a news blog, archived posts are just as relevant as new posts. Check the boxes at the top of the page for the Contents, Contact, Forum and other links.
I have personally experienced my spirit leaving my body and being united with the “ultimate supreme spirit” (God?). In 1956, when I was fifteen years old, I had pneumonia and thought I was dying. My father took me to a doctor who gave me a penicillin injection and recommended immediate hospitalization. We had no medical insurance or money, so my father took me home to recuperate. I remember the drive home vividly. Every breath was painful and my chest felt as though a great weight was upon it. I watched cars and trucks drive by, and wondered how people could make long term plans when life was so unpredictable.
Susan Fuller felt like she was flying that sunny May afternoon. She stuck her arms out straight, leaned her head back and watched the fat, lazy clouds float overhead as she vroomed down U.S. 64 on the back of her husband’s Harley-Davidson Road King.
She felt so carefree. She didn’t worry about her six children, her job as a nurse or what she called her husband’s real wife – WTQR (104.1 FM), the country music powerhouse where he worked as program director and anchored one of the nation’s most popular country music morning shows.
Well this is how I remember my near death experience.I was 17 at the time and was going to school full time, going to work close to full time, and had to deal whith my parents’ divorce through all of this. I would have to say this was one of the hardest time periods of my life so far. Depressed, not eating, and basically having no time for myself due to the emotional stress from my parents divorce, I felt worthless and alone in this world just EMPTY.
One day after coming home from school and work I put on some music and layed down to sleep really weak, after not sleeping the night before or eating the whole day. (The fact that I wouldn’t sleep most of the nights was because I would stay up and listen to my parents downstairs to see if I would have to break them up from any physical confrontations).
As I began to listen to the music, I slowly began to sink into this really comfortable state of relaxation. When all of a sudden it was as if I was in this “void” with nothing around me but pitch black. I started to panic and got really worked up cause I felt like I couldn’t move anywhere (a feeling like you have a million tons on you) or see anything.
I started yelling for help when all of a sudden I was sucked into this tube going faster than the speed of light. When I finally stopped I saw my life pass before me. It was TERRIBLE! I saw everything I ever did and how it had affected others. I actually felt the hurt I had caused others, but it was like a 1,000,000,000x intense, and trust me it was pure hell!!!!!!!
After I saw my life review I was pulled closer to God. At one point God and I were ONE!!! And the pure unconditional love He gave me was pure ecstacy (I was exploding with love!!!!). The next thing I remember was being given this block of knowledge of everything. I like to say block of knowledge cause it came all at once to me unlike on earth we have to accumulate what small knowledge we do have little by little. (My thinking was a lot more clearer now and not “polluted”) I was soon near my body again looking at it knowing that if I were to leave it now that would be totally acceptable and I would be fine, but that my body would decay and I would not be able to come back.
When all of a sudden I thought of my mother, I was immediately downstairs (I used to live on the second floor) in the hallway seeing my mother sleeping in her bed. I had this sense that she still needed me in this life to help her spiritually progress. There was not time like there is on earth but instead the present, past and future were all together simultaneously. During all this I had noticed that I was a brilliant light and that I could go anywhere and be with anyone just so long as I thought about them. I too at this time noticed that all humans are connected to each other, in the sense that each and every one of us affect the whole through thought, words, deeds, etc.
Shortly I was back at my body again looking at it, when all of a sudden I felt this vacuum pull me back through my head into my body. Wow was my body freezing! — P.
Cool website. I agree, the lasting impression from an NDE is profound.When I was 11 years old, I got a sore throat that didn’t go away and because I come from a family of 10, going to the doctor was a luxury. The sore throat, left untreated, was discovered to be strep and since it cannot go away with antibiotics, the strep infection settled in my kidneys and I then had a kidney infection/diseased called Nephritis (Bright’s Disease). The second night in the hospital, I started to cry when my Mom and Dad were going home after visiting, because instinctively, I knew I would never see them again. Because I was a kid, I knew they were keeping this from me; however, the body and the mind KNOW. They left wondering why I was acting so strange. Eleven year olds don’t cry like that when Mommy and Daddy leave. Well, at 11 p.m. that night, the hospital called to tell my parents that it wasn’t likely that I would survive the night. Last rites were given and they monitored me all night, every 15 minutes.
In between the blood pressure monitorings, I remember being in the corner of the room, near the ceiling and looking down at my body as the nurse took my blood pressure. I wondered, hmmmmmmmmm, what the heck am I doing down there? I’m obviously up here! Seemed strange, but I didn’t worry about it. All of a sudden, there was a suction and I was moving through a tunnel at very, very, very high speed. When I came to an abrupt halt, I noticed 8 lighted beings off to my right and a big, beautiful white light directly in front of me.
Wow, I thought, and started heading towards that white light. I remember feeling a lot of peace, not sick, and the light seemed to have a “personality” or “essence” to it. It wasn’t just a big ‘ol floodlight. Felt great and I loved it. Just as I was walking towards the light, the lighted beings (angels–no wings) called me over to the side and told me to wait for a more superior being to arrive. I waited. The being arrived and then showed me part of my past and some of my future.
In particular, my little brother, Tim. Well, Tim is very hyper and a bit of a brat, so my response to the angels when shown some “footage” of Tim acting up and not being nice to me was, “Well, yea, Timmy’s a brat.” as if everyone in the Universe already knew that and there was nothing more to know. I was told by the angels, “Do not make their problem, your problem, Dear One.” OK, I thought and thoughts are how you communicate here, not voice. It didn’t make much sense, but OK. I was then asked if I wanted to go into the light or back to the body. This seemed like Sophie’s Choice to me, so I looked back down the tunnel and then turned my head and back to the light, back down the tunnel, back to the light, back and forth, back and forth.
I understood that there were boundaries there and that if I went into the light, I could not come back and visa versa. I also understood that what I could have there I couldn’t have here and what I could have with my body, I couldn’t have there. I was told that I would be ill and that was not negotiable. I was also told that they would never leave me and all I had to do was ask for their help and help would arrive. At that point I said, “I want to live.” and as I finished the thought, I felt that same strong suction grab me again and carry me back down the tunnel. I did not re-enter the body gently. It was like a big BAM! and I opened my eyes and the nurse was standing next to me taking my blood pressure … again or still? Well, I looked up at her and said, “I’m going to be OK, now.” She looked at me as if I was delusional, but then I started healing in leaps and bounds leaving the docs and staff with their heads spinning.
I remember they wheeled me downstairs to get an EKG the next day and I thought, “You’re a day late and a dollar short. It has been decided. I’m fine now.” Well, the doctor didn’t really understand why I was healing all of a sudden, but attributed it to the penicillin shot I got. I’m sure it helped, but well, no. He kept me there for 2 weeks and then released me. I healed completely, but at 31 years old, almost exactly 20 years later, I was diagnosed with a form of Muscular Dystrophy, which is incurable.
I remembered that I came back because in the moment I decided, I thought even if my body doesn’t work quite right, I will always have the help of these angels and I want to come back for my shot at love. I understood that everything was worth it for love. I wanted it that much. Even though love was in the tunnel, clearly and abundantly, love with a body and in the physical world was a gift and I knew it and was willing to do so with a body that wouldn’t work right. This was not negotiable. It was dictated to me and I needed to choose if I would return, not what kind of body I could return to.
Ironically, even though I was cured of the kidney disease one year later, the diagnosis 20 years later meant my family would be tested in ways I couldn’t imagine. I always asked for help from my angels and I did not hide the fact that I believed in angels. This labeled me as “nuts” for my family to ridicule and my brother Tim and sister Jenny has refused to allow me to see their children. They don’t want them to have “my influence.” On Christmas, when I was in the hospital for surgery, they all brought me a figurine of an angel to the hospital, but then refused to let me see their kids.
Strange. So, the advice that the angels gave me, “Do not make their problem, your problem, Dear One.” now makes sense to me, many, many, many years later. There have been days I have regretted choosing to come back, but overall, I am challenged to discover my place in this world and yes, I have been asked to marry. I have said no to all. They would have provided security, etc., but not the love I stood in when I went to that white light. I know that it is out there and I am not afraid of my family members telling me that I am some loser for not marrying.
When I go back to that tunnel with a white light, I do not want to have to say, “Yes, I know you taught me what love is when I was here last, but I had a little peer pressure, so I married Mr. OK. I didn’t want to be the last kid to get married, you know.” I can handle the ridicule. I want what I experienced in that tunnel with a white light or nothing at all. I was a kid though, and acceptance of my illness and my body in this culture has been brutal. I have been told many reasons why I am ill ranging from “got myself sick (and supported by the Bible).” to I must have eaten the wrong foods, been depressed, or am trying to get attention.
None of the above are true and I don’t feel the need to prove that to anyone. My values are different from my family’s and when people meet me and my family, they swear I was not raised in the family I have. Some other guidance has been there …. healing me and loving me.
