One night a couple of months ago I went to bed normally and woke up in an ambulance. Observing the surprised look on my face, the guy holding the oxygen mask informed me that I had had a grand mal seizure.According to my wife: about 4:00 a.m. I made a loud wheezing sound and then started thrashing around violently. Then I turned purple, fell over sideways and stopped breathing. She began CPR and kept it up for several minutes until I started sputtering and coughing up slime, then she called an ambulance.
My assumption was that my breathing was there but hard to detect, that she had been doing CPR on a living speciman, and that I was lucky to be alive after something like that. However, ever since I woke up in the meat-wagon I’ve had this bizarre, nagging feeling that I have been dead. I don’t remember anything that would suggest something like that, but the feeling is rather, ahhh, substantial, and it doesn’t seem to be going away.
Ever since that night my life has been a whole new ball of wax, and a sometimes disturbing one at that. I am having to learn how to live all over again; but, now I have to live in two worlds at once and I can only talk to people about one of them: the one THEY are aware of.
Here’s the part that means I’ve gone completely insane: I am aware now of an “other world”. This other world is dark and empty by default, but I now have access to this “thing” that radiates love (this sounds REALLY stupid). The thing that radiates love seems like it has the mentality of a child. It is curious and non-judgemental, and it seems to have become something of a silent partner. Why? Because without it I am subjected to this “darkness” that robs me of meaning. I am FORCED to let this “love” flow through me so I can keep going and try to straighten out this incredible mess. This is mind boggling. I actually sit around feeling LOVE for people I don’t even know. I can’t even get mad any more.
Your site is very valuable to people who have had this kind of thing happen and I appreciate it immensely. Once I figure out how to help people use this situation I’ll put up a section about it on my site (with a link to your site).
Sorry to be so long winded. I had to get this off my chest and people who will understand are few and far between.
Many thanks,
Dave
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