Free Electron's NDE.Hello,
I found your site about 2 months ago, and I would first like to thank you so much for the help you gave me through your site.
I shall write down the best I can my experience and what followed it because maybe it could help others as others have helped me.
Shortly, to explain who I am: I'm a 48 old year woman from Belgium.
(I noticed that people from my country, which is very small, are very good visitors of your site. This amazed me first and then made me laugh! I think I know why. Belgians can laugh about themselves, auto-dérision in French.)
I'm French speaking, but have lived 9 years in the States while being a child. I had a Catholic education at school, but in my idea today, not so a good one. I closed my mind to religion and all learning of the knowledge of God the day I had tried to defend a 'black' classmate from racist attitudes of the professor, which was a religious person. My mother was called to come that day after school. I do not know what was told to her, but when she came back to the car, she told me angrily to close my mouth from then on.
My experience happened very simply, no accident, no illness, no drugs. But it's changing my life since 3 years now.
I was a part-time worker at that moment. My second husband was slowly coming out of big professional problems and my two sons, I had had with my first husband, were halfway to the end of their university study. This point was important for me. When they were young, their father had a very bad car accident and wasn't able to be a father anymore, if I may say so. I struggled for them. It was my main direction in life, even if I took some happiness for myself also.
Being home one sunny after-noon in spring, I just laid down on my bed with my faithful dog next to me. She was my 'mental helper' when times were rough. I wasn't tired, just very calm. Like a cat rolls himself around, nicely settled in a ray of sun behind a window. Sleeping in the afternoon isn't part of my habits.
I wasn't thinking about anything, just letting the 'black' of sleeping invade my mind. But, instead of falling asleep, the blackness teared apart and I was suddenly in a great light. I felt this immense love. A feeling I never felt on earth. No human love can give. Absolute Love.
I was I. And was with no more doubt or guilt of anything. A perfect state of myself, in perfect love. I was in greatness and I was greatness also. I didn't need to think to know where I was. I knew. I felt almighty. Powerful. I was pure energy. I was myself. And so much love around me, for me. And then I felt my love for my 2 boys and my dog. I said good-bye to them even though all 3 needed me on earth. I felt I could give them more love and help from up here.
I knew that my dog would probably suffer without me being near her, but I knew and 'told her' that I could give her something greater from up here. And she would also have a bit of this later on. I realized that I could leave earth peacefully. I didn't have to worry for her. I did not worry for my sons. They were humans and adult. What was up here was more important than my 'attachements' down there. But then, I realized that I couldn't stay there if I wanted them to succeed in their studies, they needed my working money. Right at that idea, I came back to my earthly-self, the light and immense love shut off. Only leaving me a memory that something happened.
I kept my eyes closed, trying to just get a glimpse of that light again, even a small point. I was sad, but not completely. I scanned the feelings I had had. Trying to get words on them and on that experience. This wasn't in my knowledge. So, after 15 minutes, I got up, sat on the side of the bed, patted the head of my dog and just knew and felt safe for the 'after-death'. All the other recordings just slid down and were buried in my mind, not being capable of understanding them.
I continued living as before, but certain things didn't interest me anymore. It's only today that I link these changes to this experience. I let go of a lot of things. But doing other things only for myself. Somehow I became more selfish but more self-constructing also.
Some few times I thought about what had happened to me, thinking others would consider me as crazy, though I knew and was certain of something wonderful after death. So, I shut my mouth as I was told being a child.
Two years ago, when my husband gave me a PC at home, I did search a bit on the web about this 'white light', but not correctly. Only fell on stupid sites. So I gave up.
Three months ago, I started searching again on the web. In English this time. I read the permanent board. First, I would read only the NDE's that mainly spoke about that immense love. I needed to feel it again through other people's words. But I would skip all sentences speaking of the Almighty, God, heaven and so on. Not my stuff.
I was feeling pretty despaired. Things down here seemed more and more ugly. Even the sun didn't brighten up my days anymore. One day, I was looking outside at the landscape. The sun was shining nice, but for me, all I saw was the black and white impression in the eyes when the sun is too strong. I saw all the bad done by humans since the beginning under this sun. I was thinking how beautiful and safe and soft the other light was.
Then, I saw the limits of this landscape, this world. It's hard to explain also. It was as if the earth was in a big balloon and I saw it blowing in, depressurising. The blue sky was waving like a blue cloth in a soft wind. This world is finite and not infinite as told at school. I was like having an electric shower. In a fraction of a second, a sentence came to my lips. God is all things. My mouth fell opened wide. I knew. The feelings here are also very hard to explain. I felt the chaos of all things down here and felt that up there, everything would be in its place. More and more sentences heard in the past came up to my mind. God is love. We are God. All in one. One in all.
Ok, and then, what next? Jesus, yes, Jesus, who is he again exactly, why did he come? What did he say? I scrambled up the stairs to my desk and computer. Thank God for the web!
I was amazed! 2000 years ago, everything was said about this. Why didn't anyone shout it out louder? It's so evident!
Since then, I'm reading a lot. Trying to catch up lost time. Also looking back to what happened in my life, that's hard to do…. I do feel being at a crossing point for the moment. So, I just followed some tips of your site and started looking around me with other eyes. Changing my attitudes towards others in small details. 24 hours in a day isn't enough for me for the moment. So much learning and thinking to do. This does bother me because I'm neglecting my daily obligations.
Oh! And I was very pleased to read in a NDE that there's a sense of humour up there. I like laughing and giggling. One night, I dreamt that I was a sort of tumbleweed having fun in the wind. Then next I became a sort of geometrical form, flying and rolling in this wind near the sea. Then I became a free electron, giggling and bouncing everywhere in the universe. Real fun!
This image helps me when I'm down and worried. A big smile comes to my face when I get this feeling of freedom again.
Since I haven't spoken about all this yet to my relatives, I'll just call myself: free electron.
Thanks again for all your work, you are helping a lot of people!