Tunnel Went Up and Down.
I was looking for information because if ever I committed suicide I would need to know that I would not be separated from loved ones who have gone before. Or at least I would know that there wasn't any supernatural intervention to prevent me from meeting loved ones after death.
I have had 14 suicide attempts. Even though this makes it seem as if the attempts were not serious enough, they were. At one point I took antihistamines. I threw up violently and repeatedly and finally pulled out of it. I also took acetominophen and threw up through my nose and mouth. These were very unpleasant experiences for me.
The only reason I don't commit suicide today is love from and for my husband. I feel that if I killed myself today my husband would not be able to recover. So I hang on, even though I am long ready to leave this world. It is likely that I will live for another 5 decades or so barring an accident or other intervention, but I doubt it will be through suicide.
After taking the antihistamines, I either experienced hallucinations or had an NDE. I went through a tunnel up to a light that was so brilliant it threatened to incinerate me or make me go blind. I remember afterward I was thankful for being able to close my eyes if I was in a bright room to escape the glaring light, because during the hallucinations, it was impossible to do so. The tunnel continued downwards as well as upwards, and the downwards part led to formless rivers or beds of clay that were continuously flooding on top of each other.
I also saw things that were quite ludicrous (and which make me feel like what I had were only very active hallucinations from the antihistamines). I saw a tram or a subway train of sorts. All the cars were multitudes of brilliant primary colors, more than I have ever seen in my lifetime. I saw these as I was being taken to a hospital in an ambulance; even after I closed my eyes, the images were still there.
Finally, I do not believe I had an out of body experience like many NDEers post. I also did not see any loved ones. I saw numerous images of castles and houses and other magnificent buildings. I also saw a group of people, about 200 or so, building some sort of housing out over water, and I knew instinctively that the building was intended for me. These figures were in the distance and because of the angle of the bright light, they were all in black. I also saw many other things which I do not remember, including small creatures that came to give me comfort. Otherwise, my "trip" was incredibly lonely. Aside from the distant figures in black, I did not see or relate to any other sentient being or person, human or otherwise.
Thanks for "listening" to me babble. I have posted this using the anonymizer because I do not want my identity known.
Sincerely, flax
