Seeing Heaven and Hell.
I am feeling better already. Sometimes I just need to cry and get things out. My NDE was good and bad. I had 2 within the same day.I died the first time and was in a Christ-like light...It was pure love and joy and it filled my heart with love that flowed like water.
In the light was all knowledge, and it was eternally patient and kind. It communicated with me telepathically and showed me what I needed to know, namely that the love that was flowing through me would one day be the reality on earth and how this love naturally should flow between two people.
It was eternal and beautiful.
It also showed me some things about my family that I did not know and I could see emotional pain as varying shades of grey and black around people (the more people worked through this pain the lighter they appeared to me)...
I came back from this NDE full of love and was like a "flower child" according to my mom! I could see the pain in people and wanted to help them fill themselves with love...
After that though I could feel the light receding and I was still very sick.
At that point I felt all of these entities around me. They were not good entities and they entered my body and took me to a place of darkness, pain, and a type of "nothingness" that was definitely hell. A total separation from the light, and a complete opposite of the former NDE.
I prayed to the light while I was in hell and I was returned to my body.
I felt really doomed though for a long time, (about 3 1/2 years) but I gradually found out that once I started to heal the emotional torment that was my past (and believe me I could be on Montel!! -- I'm talking sexual abuse, physical abuse, teenage runaway, forced prostitution, rape, and porn at age 14, drugs in high school, eating disorder, stripper at 18 -- I share this so you know how deep the pain runs) the light has returned to my soul and I am at peace again most of the time.
The exorcisms(1) were before the NDE, and I know my father must have been severely abused as a child himself, since my paternal grandfather also abused me until his death.
I think they feared me as a child because I had the light strong within me when I was little and they were hurting me very badly... That's where I think all their deluded "devil" thinking comes from -- their own pain and fear.
I know religion can be a good thing. I practice it, but it is from my mother's heritage, and I focus on the spirituality behind it. How they used "Christianity" really messed with my mind and I don't think I could ever find solace in a church...I believe in Jesus, but organized stuff scares the crap out of me...
(1)I wanted to write since I am struggling with some emotional stuff that is related to the NDE and other things. I have a really hard time dealing with people who profess to be "Christian", and my initial reaction to Christianity is ahhhhh! run away!, but don't get me wrong I believe in Jesus as an entity of pure love and I know that the light I was in was the love of Christ... But so often people who say they are "Christians" scare the crap out of me and I start to get panic attacks almost.
I know some of this is due to the fact that when I was little I was severely abused by my father's highly religious family, for instance they would abuse me and then hang a rosary around my neck like I was some evil kid or something, at one point in my life my father kept asking if I was possessed by the devil, had a group do exorcisms on me, etc... So I have been exposed to very negative examples of Christianity, and in my NDE I was in the light of Christ-love-beauty-energy that I know is what true "Christianity: is all about, but I guess I just need your prayers to feel better about all the trauma around religion... I am crying as I write this, but it is good to get these out and thank you all...
Love, A.
