There was no time, no fear.
Many years ago, after returning home from school, I felt very tired and decided that I had to go to my room to lie down. While lying there, I felt so exhausted and heavy that it was impossible for me to stay awake.Just before I went into a full sleep, I "felt" myself removed from my body. The best way I can describe this feeling is to say that I was "vacuumed" out -- it was painless. I instantly became aware that I had floated up to the ceiling and was looking down at my body. There was a feeling of confusion about this. But it did not last long. The awareness of realizing I had total knowledge of all existence and the most sublime love radiating through me directed my thoughts away from the body lying on the bed. That was no longer me...even though I knew it used to be me.
There was no time...there was no fear...
I felt that "others" were communicating with me -- even though I did not see anyone. But eyes were not used there. I did not hear anyone. But ears were not used there. These beings were present through an awareness in my mind. We communicated through our minds. We each knew what the other was thinking and feeling.
They were there to instruct, or guide, me. In the time that would have been a heartbeat, if there were such a thing as time, I saw my whole "previous" life flash in front of me as if a movie. Beside being aware of the happenings going on around me, I was also aware of and personally felt the emotions of those I had previously had contact with in my life. Some of it I was not proud of. But I was forgiven. Grace was a gift.
The thought of my family entered my mind....I felt they would be extremely upset if I were to stay in this beautiful place. They would not understand my joy. Even though it would be the future, in the life we now know, I could see my father grieving my death. I decided that I needed to return.
Before returning to the body that I know, I was taught by the helpers that everything would be ok...I would return. And the next time I died I would stay. This knowledge brought me great joy.
Returning into the body that I had left was not as comfortable as leaving it was. If only I could find the words to describe this return....it was if I was "slammed" back. I gasped for air, and felt imprisoned in the body that was mine. Gradually, I became more comfortable in myself.
I was startled by the reality of what had occured. But at the same time, I felt at peace. I believed that I could not share this experience with anyone because of the awareness that others would not understand.
Immediately after this happened, my life changed. I was at peace. I did, and do not, fear death. In fact, I look forward to it! My relationships with others changed also. I am now a person who is very "aware". I know what others are going to say before they say it. I can feel and relate to their fears and sorrows...along with their joys. By looking directly into someone's eyes I know their soul. I have only shared about these abilities with one other person.
People whom I do not know tend to gravitate to me. Especially children. They will come to me and want to be held by me. When their parents attempt to retrieve them, the child will resist and even cry while reaching for me. There is a feeling of love...of sharing energies...which at times can be exhausting: especially if one is needy and is unable to give in return.
I have mixed feelings about my life as it is now. First, I long to return "home". Second, I feel like an outsider -- very different from others. Even though I feel frustrated at times, because of most people's ignorance (which is not their fault -- they know no better) I function well in this life.
It seems that the more time that passes since this experience, the less I can relate to the awareness of life never ending and the experience of total love. In order to "remember" I must share with others. I must give the gift of what is most precious.
S.
