Pneumonia.
Eleven months ago, while in ICU for nearly a month with pneumonia, I died 3 times. One of the times I remember specifically. I remember every small detail of dying, leaving this world, etc.I woke back up from this one special time, and remember being "SO" disappointed that the nurse standing there over me was Not an Angel. Oh, How I Wanted This to Be Heaven, where I was waking up to!
Everyone else who has had a NDE seems to have such clearcut words of "prophecy" on why they are still here; I do not. I am just still here. Perhaps to continue being a father, a husband, etc..... I don't know.
Yet, the experience has profoundly changed my life, in many ways. But something that continues to "bother" me is the, for lack of a better way to describe them, the "personality changes" that have occured within me.
The Mercedes Benzs' are no longer important. The real estate is no longer important. The small things just don't matter anymore. In fact, THINGS just don't matter anymore. Money has little meaning now; it used to be everything (almost).
I used to be cold all the time. Now I am not; in fact, I am usually warm when others say they are feeling a chill. I don't like the same things I used to like; I like different things/activities than I ever used to, and so on. I used to play the piano beautifully; I haven't touched the instrument but one time since the NDE
I used to suffer from depression. Years of depression. Now I don't.
I am having trouble "finding myself" after this experience. I feel separated, apart from who I used to be. I feel as though if I were to meet my wife for the first time today, I wouldn't even give her a second glance. Cold as it is to say, she is just not the type of woman I could ever imagine being in love with. I OFTEN feel "not myself" yet more complete and more understanding than ever before.
Has ANYONE else felt the same? How/What helped lead to your rejoining life?
I simply don't feel I will ever be the same again. Moreover, I don't even feel the "want" to be the same person I used to be.
Anon
