Drowning at a Young Age.
I have come back to life when I was too young to read. I went to Lake Ontario with my brother, a male nurse called Kim and his girlfriend. Not sure that there is an account of me drowning. If there is anything it would have been after 1963. Anyway this is what I remember.I waded out up to about my hips and an undertow caught me and pulled me under. I did see a bright light as I went under but it was the sun through the water and a leaf floated over. Next thing I remember was static like the old TV set, kind of gray was all I could see. I didn't have a body, but I do remember just kind of being there. (I just was).
The thing I remember the most about the experience was the feeling. I felt the most perfect warmth, not like from heat, but it came from feelings like everything good, love, happiness, joy, etc. The next thing that happened was, I was floating up in the sky looking down, still without a body. I could see something, then I got closer and it was a circle of people looking at something.
The next thing that happened was I dropped fast like the speed of light and as I hit my body it hurt. The best way I can explain the pain is that it felt like hitting your head really hard but feeling it all over your body. Then I had a body back, I was crying and puking up water with a lot of people around me watching. Mostly crying because I didn't want to come back, but also from the shock of the pain when I hit my body.
I was quiet on the way home, I don't know if anyone ever told my parents.
I know I did tell my father when he was sick and ready to die many years later. He didn't seem surprised. I told him that the act of dying is what hurts that dead doesn't hurt. I told him this because even though he was a preacher he was afraid, but actually I don't remember any pain when I drown.
I know most people think that when this happens to people that they have a special purpose in life, but there is no way to prove that and it hasn't happened to me. The best I can tell is that destiny tries to repeat itself. I have almost died many times and still haven't found any special purpose in that.
I still wish I were there and sometimes when I have been very ill I can still feel that Perfect Warmth. I am definitely not afraid to die and believe that sometimes dead is better. Don't take this the wrong way, I would never hurt myself or others, but have lived a life of pain, misfortune and suffering ever since. The only solace I have with what has happened is that no matter how bad things are I can still trust that I will someday be able to feel what I long for -- the perfect warm feeling again.
I believe that this life is black and white that death is the gray area.
S.J.
