Obstructive Sleep Apnea.
About 12 years ago I developed a serious medical condition called obstructive sleep apnea. Unfortunately, it went undiagnosed for over 5 yrs. . During the night, I would temporarily stop breathing during sleep, often hundreds of times each night. (Since I've been diagnosed, I am undergoing treatment and can breathe normally during sleep, so I'm OK now.) According to my doctors, I was at the edge of death quite often during that period. I started having dreams about my deceased father nightly. He had been dead for over 25 years. I dreamed I would see him in various places, watching me, but when I noticed him and would try to go over to talk with him, he would disappear before I could catch up to him. Then I would wake up and start crying. I would cry for about an hour each time, because I felt I wanted to be with him more than anything.After a couple of weeks of this, I had a dream I actually came close to him. I called his name, but could not touch him, and he smiled at me, but said nothing. He looked different. He had been about 47 years old when he died, but, looking at his face, I could not determine what his age was. He could have been 20, 30, 40, 50, or older, I couldn't tell. He also was extraordinarily good looking in my dream. Although he had been handsome in life, he looked beautiful in my dream. His face seemed to shine, he was impeccably dressed, he seemed more fit and vigorous than I could ever remember him being in life. He looked better than in any old photos I have of him. I asked him, "Where have you been? I thought you were dead!" Somehow, I was momentarily distracted, and again he disappeared.
I woke up and cried. In the next dream, when I saw him again, he looked the same, I remember that his face seemed to shine. This time I asked him the same question, "Where have you been? I thought you were dead." This time he smiled at me and spoke, "I have always been here." I was crying now, and said, "Then why did you stay away? I thought you were dead all these years! Please stay with me now." He didn't say anything, but somehow I knew that he couldn't stay, so I said, "Then I want to go with you. I want to be with you." I remember at that moment wanting to be with my father more than anything, it was the strongest desire I have ever felt. His face became concerned and he empahatically said "NO! You CANNOT come with me at this time!" He didn't shout, but it felt like a shout. I held on to his arm, and sobbed. Somehow, without my noticing it, he disappeared again. I woke up, and cried.
In my next dream, he came with my grandmother, his mother, who had died 35 years ago. She also looked beautiful, of indeterminate age, and her face seemed to be glowing, just like my father's face. We had a similar conversation, I asked here where she had been, told her I thought she was dead, and asked why she hadn't visited me all these years. She said the same thing as my father had, "I have always been here." Then I asked the both of them if I could go with them. Now, I had NO idea where they had been all those years, I didn't ask. Or whether they were alive or dead (I knew they were both dead, but somehow it didn't matter to me then), I just knew I wanted to go with them. I didn't think I was dying. Then they both became very concerned, and strongly insisted I could not go with them at this time. They both had said I couldn't go with them "at this time" I still remember their words clearly. And it was true, I had responsibilities for my child at that time, but I still strongly desired to go with them. At the time I didn't understand why they kept coming to visit me in my dreams. The thought that this might be an NDE didn't occur to me. I knew I was ill, but not what I had.
After I had begun receiving treatment, and was out of danger, I began to believe this might have been an NDE. I don't remember leaving my body. I don't remember any tunnel of white light, but while I was talking to my father and grandmother, I noticed that the background, including the floor and the sky, had disappeared, and was replaced by something white, similar to a white glowing computer screen. We had been standing on a street. Also, I don't remember a life review, but soon after, I started recalling all my past indescretions, and "sins," as some might call them, and began feeling very guilty about them. It wasn't until I read these words on this website, "Man punishes himself, and not only does he punish himself, but he chooses the form that punishment will take," that I realized I had been beating myself up over my mistakes and imperfections all these years. I know that I now must forgive myself. Unfortunately, I didn't come to this realization until AFTER I had punished myself severely. Very severely.
But, on the positive side, I've changed quite a bit since then. I've become far less materialistic, less self centered. I'm far from perfect, though, but better than before. Also, I don't fear death anymore, in some ways, I look forward to it, although I still have responsibilities on this earth that prevent me from leaving yet.
So, what do you think, was this an NDE? I firmly believe it was.
V.
(Yes, I believe it was also.)
