Held by God.
First of all, I must say that I didn't put mine up on the board, because there is nothing remarkable about it. There were no visions, no bright light, no floating above the body; none of the interesting tidbits to put down on paper (or e-mail).All I know is that I am terminally ill and when I was first diagnosed I ended up in the hospital for 3 weeks. I died several times, but on one particular occasion I was dead long enough that I felt someone cradling me in His arms. It is indescribable to relate how I felt. There was no pain, only a sense of pleasure that you could never find here on earth. I knew that the person cradling me was God and for the first time in my life I felt complete. Then I woke up with them pounding on my chest. I was so angry.
Then they told me and my friends and family that I probably would not leave the hospital because my disease was worse than they had originally thought!
What is remarkable... is the change my life took after that. I left the hospital and went about tryng to deal with the thought that I was dying at 39 years old. It seemed like the world had changed, the birds sang louder, the grass was greener, the flowers were more colorful, and the sky was bluer. The only thing that seemed to be worse was the human race. It seemed like I was in a little nook of the sky, looking down on all the crime, warring, corrupt politicians, and the overall uncaring feeling of the world.
Everyone seemed to care only about themselves, even the "Christians". Every thing that my friends or family seemed to do or say seemed so petty. My patience with them and the rest of the world was gone. I would try to explain to them: "Don't you see what is happening in the world?" My brother, who I dearly love, now looks at me like I'm crazy. My kids already did but now they are convinced.
It is now 7 years since I was first diagnosed as being terminally ill: In fact, when I go to the doctors they take my lab work and perform other tests. When they look at the results they tell me about all the things in my blood work and test results that are way off the scale. They don't understand why I am still alive, but I do finally!
I finally realized that God didn't want me to look at all the bad things going on in the world. It was not my place to have to worry about it; that was his job. All I am supposed to do is try to be comforting when someone is down.
Trust me when I say, I have to humble myself that the Lord would even see fit to let me live, let alone work for him because I was probably one of the biggest sinners in the whole state of Texas. You wouldn't believe some of the things I've done. I won't go into the details but I will say the 7 deadly sins are about covered.
Anyway, to sum things up, (trust me, you want me to because I could go on and on for days about my experiences) I have found inner peace for the first time in my life since I realized that God had the weight of the world on His shoulders and He still cared enough about us to want us to be comforted. I feel truly blessed!
Well, you asked for it and you got it. Hopefully you will read all of it because it is rather long.
Thanks, L.
