Perfect Peace.
It has been awhile since I received your email. I was not sure if I wanted to get into this conversation. I have spoken to my children and family about it because I did not want them to have any fear of death. I realy think that it's very hard to believe unless you have had this experience yourself. I'm not sure I would believe it.I had this happen to me when my second son was born. I had a very long hard labor and I heard the nurse say, "Her blood pressure is to low," and then, "It's still dropping." I was aware of them bustling over me then I felt myself slip away, going very fast. I found myself in a very dark quiet place of peace and calmness. I was at perfect ease. I could have happily stayed there forever but I realized I was only waiting. It was like I had been there many times before. It was very familiar to me. There was no time. A minute would have been the same as forever because I was at perfect peace.
Then there was a beautiful glowing pearly white light. I was completely absorbed in it. It was all love, all knowledge, all happiness. We have nothing to compare it to here. Just think of the happiest most loving time you have ever had and multiply it by a million and you still couldn't come close to it. I was absorbed in all knowledge. I knew everything there ever was to know and it was good. I thought of two pastors I knew and it made me laugh to know how surprised they were going to be. I also knew it didn't matter one bit that all was as it should be. I saw my children's lives ahead of them, saw they had much to learn and many hard lessons but it was all good and that our lives were no more than a blink of an eye and we would all be all right.
All this time I was aware of looking down on my lifeless body with doctors and nurses working over me but it meant nothing. No more than an empty paper bag. Then I thought of my children being left alone without a mother. I saw that I could not buffer them or be of much use to them in their lives but I had a tiny doubt about leaving them though I would not have chosen to go back. Like a flash I was back and I didn't want to be. I could hardly bare it. I said, "I died. Why am I back?"
My body felt like a strange chugging machine. I could hear my heart beat, feel the blood running in my veins, feel all my internal organs working. It was horrible. Of course I was happy with my new baby and my other little boy but it took me months to get used to my body. I have always been glad I came back to watch my children grow up but I don't feel I have been a great help to them in their lives. I have watched them have many hard times and not near enough happiness but I know it's all for a purpose and although I lost all the knowledge I experienced I still have the essense and that is enough.
R.H.
