I Feel Cheated...
I have been searching for God ever since I was a teenager (I am 40 yrs old now). In 1994, I was close to declaring myself an atheist...when I had a cardiac arrest. I was being treated for leukemia at this time and some of the meds I was taking caused major electrical problems in my heart. When the event occurred, I was not successfully shocked by the EMT's until many minutes later. I remained in a coma for two days afterwards. Being without O2 for so long left me with short term memory problems which still affect me today.Anyway, my mother tells me that when I came to, I asked for two of my closest relatives (who had been deceased for YEARS). I was unaware that they were dead, and I stated that "I was just with them!" I was shocked to hear that they were dead. I have tried to remember more of this "possible" NDE, but only a few things pop into my mind when I attempt to recall it.
One -- was the sense that those relatives were WITH me, yet I really wasn't experiencing their presence with my 5 senses. I KNEW they were there, but I didn't necessarily see or hear them. But I felt that they were there for a reason.
Two -- was the feeling of being completely emotionally unattached to the people in the room where this event occurred (my mom/dad, my best friend, even myself). I was not upset, sad, emotional in any way at all. It was almost as if I was "ready" to move onward to wherever I was going. I felt calm, peaceful, not afraid.
Three -- I recall moving forward (walking? floating?) through a huge open field/valley with mountains in the distance. It was night time (the event happened at night, also), and I was sort of "following" my relatives. I sensed that I was going somewhere specific.
The reason why I say that I feel cheated is because so many folks described their NDE's with such clarity and detail -- no wonder it changes their lives. MY NDE memories are SO vague that I question whether or not it was even real. Like, after I was told that I was asking for my dead relatives...did I just sort of unknowingly "fabricate" these memories of the event? (sort of how a sketchy dream is described in more detail that it was actually remembered as..."embellishment", if you may).
Also, with my heartfelt search for God all these years (I am a scientist and thus, I tended to not believe so much in a spiritual world as I did a material world), WHY was I NOT allowed to experience this NDE to it's fullest? It would have been the answer that I had been searching for since my teen years (YES! There IS a God!)
One more question: If there is a spiritual world that we will all become a part of when we die, then why doesn't EVERYONE who "dies" and "comes back" claim to have a NDE?
Sigh...Any thoughts or opinions would be greatly appreciated.
Thank You!
C.(This near death experience is different than most. I commented on what I thought about it and welcome the views of others. Go here to comment. You will need to be registered.)
