Dead Set on Dying.
I died two months ago, I took a large amount of pills, washed them down with Vodka and hid the bottles.
I was dead set on dying, I don't play for attention nor did I want sympathy. I just wanted to die.
After swallowing the pills I laughed thinking is this when people turn back and call 911? I was content listening to Robin Mead on CNN and remember being mad that it didn't have a faster reaction! I felt a little like I was floating then it stopped. I became frustrated then started my no return journey.
Ok here it is, I am (was) 100% non-believer in an after life. I am also wondering if anyone has had the same NDE as myself. It seems that I was in a large field. It was warm and sunny. I was following someone whom I didn't know. I had never felt at such peace as I did then! The whole trip was the most beautiful thing I ever felt!
I was awaken by my family member and remember cursing like a drunk sailor for the hospital having the right to save me! I knew I died and wanted my right to do so. I now feel like that's what I want more than anything, but I feel selfish for the people who will be sad, life feels even more complicated now, does anyone else feel the same?
"Actually, committing suicide is the most selfish thing one can do. It not only ignores loved ones, it ignores self, and the learning opportunities presented in life. It doesn't solve any problems, you take those with you to work on in the spiritual world. Suggest you read some near death experience books and materials, I think that will help. Volunteering to help others on a part time basis helps also. What you described is only the hem of the afterlife, I have meditated to the field many times, but was not allowed to enter. Maybe you could meditate back there also. Just take some time to sort things out and get some help, life is not bad when you think positive. You could also post your concerns on this board and receive some guidance."
Thank you for the reply, I have thought many times since my return that the only real satisfaction is to help others. I value everyone's life and have a whole new outlook. All anger from the past has seemed to just be gone. All though, I still keep my knowledge of what has happened from my family. I shared it with my girlfriend who has been the best person anyone could ask for. It is hard for me to be pulled between loving her and where I was, but I think my time here is still needed. Thanks again. B.M.