On February 18, 1986, I had an experience of a respiratory arrest. I kept telling them that this was not just an asthma attack. The last thing I remember in the ER was a nurse looking down at me and saying, "calm down...asthma patients always get excited! Calm down!" She was taking a blood gas at the time...I passed out.
Next, I was in a hospital bed, a woman was in the bed next to me, her husband sitting on a chair by her side. I remember kneeling up in the bed and saying, "could you get the nurse?" They say I pulled out all the tubes, was fighting, and tore off my clothes. I remember hearing a 'code blue'. The next thing I remember is feeling that I was laying down flat...people talking around me, but not to me. I feel there is an urgency in the room. I feel a sharp object being dragged up the bottom of my foot.
I am thinking about my son, Sean, who is 6 years old...mama will take care of him...my motherdear (great-grandmother who lived to be 104) who is my best friend and more and my aunt Bettye...they will be alright...my mom...and then...
I feel myself leaving from the top of my head, like light shooting from a center place in my head. And, then I am standing next to the doctor, but I do not recognize the body as me, everyone is looking at a white mound on the table, and I notice the respiratory therapist...the lady in the blue skirt....while I'm leaning comfortably against the doctor. Being brought up Catholic, I look around for angels...no angels...and I've been Buddhist chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo for 6 years. I do notice a presence.
I feel a pull, and I turn a part of the way. I know that if I turn all the way, I can't go back. I am not afraid, I am peaceful. Then there is a very bright diamond like light, big....so shiny and every facet distinctive...like a pathway to somewhere. Suddenly, I know that I have a Choice, and I could choose any Path and go that way.
A voice, or the feeling of a voice, or acknowledgement said, "no, not yet...you have to go back...you are not finished yet." Suddenly, I saw my husband at the time, also Buddhist...also abusive...but we had prayed sincerely together many times, many years. I always sat to his right when we prayed...I saw him chanting...and a spotlight where I used to be...empty...he kept chanting. Next to an empty circle, like a spotlight.
Suddenly, I was whooshed through a lot of blazing, yellow light! There was a lot of confusion! This was the only time I felt fear. Again I'm standing next to the doctor. I recognize so briefly that it is me on the table. I'm whooshed back into my body through the chest area. I am laying down...looking up with closed eyes.
I acknowledge that my chest is not rising or falling...I pass out.
I was on a ventilator for 4 days. I was pulled off the fifth day. I wake to laughing and talking...I described everyone who was in the room...especially the lady in the blue...all confirmed.
I stayed in the hospital for 1 month. People came from all over to see this woman who had been revived. I was amazed. This experience taught me not to be afraid of the dark, not to be afraid of many things. I have used this experience and my connection with Spirit to restart and win in my life many times. However, my heart is still sad and I am very confused...but, I keep trying to find my passion...my purpose.
Thank You for listening.