A Near Death Experience, No. 119.

Bad Car Wreck.

I cannot believe I have never looked for a place like this on the net before. I am glad I found it today. I have read many of the posts on your permanent message board, and whether or not most of these are "really" NDEs or not (many doctors say there is no such thing anyway). I would say they still all come from the same place. Blessed be to all of us.

Here is my story. 22 years ago I was in a bad car wreck and came to as they were getting me out of the car. I heard voices saying how bad the wreck was, and I was in a lot of pain. I started to "go to sleep" when I heard a woman's voice, and being a "feminist", thought, alright a lady ambulance driver, and came back. That was the first time they said I was dead. There was not a woman ambulance driver either I found out.

I had a bad broken jaw and head injuries, and they would not give me any drugs as they had to be careful due to possible brain problems. I laid in the hospital for 2 days as they waited to operate. My head was so huge and gross that my little sister puked when she saw me.

Then they wheeled me into surgery. I was prepared, my head/face really hurt and I wanted that fixed. I had cracked ribs and the last thing I did before being put under was to make the docs promise to not put the tray on my chest when they were working on my face. They agreed. I got more than one to agree. It was a big point for me then. (I was young ok).

Then I went under and the next thing I knew was there was this terrible noise in my ear, and there was a lot of rushing around and panicking emotions. I looked around and there were all these people I did not recognize, doctors running around this person on the bed and they were so frightened-seeming. I wanted to comfort them and remember trying to pat them or tell them it was ok. Then I looked again and saw this person on the bed with a tray on their chest. Then somehow, I knew it was me. I was shocked, really they had promised!!

Then I was gone. It was a whoosh without me realizing it for that. I was just in a perfect place. I knew who I was originally, and how my life had worked just as I, in my original, brilliant, perfect self had known it would. I saw how I had seen all the possibilities, was shown all the past lives of those I was coming to in this life, I understood the PERFECTION of life, the absolute perfect love of me, and everyone.

My life review was less of a movie of this particular life, but of more than this one, more than just my own 20 years, and I was surrounded by LOVE, LIGHT, and PERFECTION. I knew who I, my original I, was, and saw how perfect it ALL was. The whole scheme of us.

My childhood was pretty miserable, I had suffered physical and emotional trauma, and yet from that moment forward didn't suffer it again. I mean it was not important. I had chosen all of that, knowing it was for a perfect reason that I could understand so perfectly.

Standing in the light, around others of such perfection, no one I recognized, (I hadn't lost any close relatives so maybe that is why...), but they were my closest best friends, wisest beyond all words. I could never fully express the perfection/wisdom of life from that view. Like the world I had known until then was at the other end of the wrong end of a telescope and did not matter anymore. It was just the way it was, and was working just right, as I had known it before. I had just forgotten that. I had never known family love, and yet at that time I loved myself and the world more than I could ever have felt before. Acceptance and love!!!! It was awesome. Aaaaahhhhhhhhhsome.

Then I heard this terrible noise, the flatlining wail of the monitor, and the doctors yelling, and boom I was hurting seriously bad. My poor face. I could not see as my eyes had goop in them or something, and when I heard my mom, I motioned for a notepad and started writing it all down. I remember them reading a phrase, me tearing off a page, and writing another. We went on like that and I was so happy. I didn't "hate" my mom or feel sorry for myself at all.

I told the doctors that I had seen the tray on my chest, and assumed that the strange looks on their faces were due to being afraid I would sue for them lying to me. I had never heard of a near death experience and in my rather fundamentalist religious upbringing, this is not what I had been told death brought, so I never even called it that.

I always used to say "I was declared dead twice" and leave it at that. My own husband, whom I married due to incredible circumstances afterwards, thought it was oxygen deficiency. So I didn't talk about it much. Except to my kids. I have always been careful not to make death seem too "great," but I wanted them to know God is always there, and we are perfect, and to strive to be "best" here where we can't always remember that.

I also suffered depression, angst, etc. I would never have chosen to come back and do not remember being given the choice. But still, I must have, and since finally talking about it now to a few, I am glad I had that experience.

I have never spent a moment in 22 years afraid to die, or asking if there was a God, or wondering if "this is all there is...". I am not a healer, or written books, started movements, or whatever I might/"should" have done. But I am me, have tried my best, and worship Him/Her, the All-That-Is, with every breath.

I am lucky. (I have no external scars on my face which considering the way I was mauled by the windshield is an amazing thing too). I am lucky, as we all are, who remember, either thru one way or another. I do not recommend drug usage, tempting death or whatever, but we are lucky to have these experiences.

Blessed be, to all.



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