God’s Gift

I had a near death experience shortly after my eighteenth birthday. I had been the victim of much abuse during the previous two years, and unfortunately, I admit that I turned to drugs.

I decided to try some heavy duty tranquilizers one night with a peer. As soon as the drug began to hit my system I knew something was wrong. I attempted to vomit, but my gag reflex was not working. Breathing became a struggle and I began to feel delirious, out of my mind, inhuman.

I remember leaving my body sometime before I reached the hospital. I remember feeling an enormous amount of love and care from my surroundings, especially the doctors and nurses who were attempting to resuscitate me. I remember looking down at my body and thinking what a lovely girl she was, and light hearted, childlike concern that she feel better.

I soon felt a flashback at that instant, all the way to my very birth in that same hospital. My life had flashed before my eyes in reverse. It could have taken an instant but it felt as though it had taken the same eighteen plus years as it had the first time. I then became aware that the girl was me. I felt somewhat ashamed, but forgave myself for having taken drugs and for damaging my body like that.

I decided that I was going to die. I did not see a white light, but was surrounded by beauty of all forms. I heard the most beautiful music, it was unlike any orchestra or electrical creation that I have heard on earth. I felt as though I were watching the best movie I had ever seen, and that I was the star.

All of life’s questions were being answered, and I remember laughing hysterically and asking myself, “Why couldn’t I remember that?? I knew it all along!” I remember putting the movie on pause and calling for my great grandfather. Suddenly he appeared and welcomed me warmly, though he was very stern. He told me that I must go back. The choice was ultimately mine to make, but that my death was untimely, and that I would regret it. He showed me a shadow of my adult self. I liked the woman I saw, and suddenly felt a desire to become her.

Then I looked down at my flailing body and did not want to return. I had dug a deep hole for myself and it would take many years of sorrow and struggle to undue the damage I had done. I wanted to stay, but I listened to my grandpa. I went back. I remember coming to, and I could still hear the beautiful music. This was God’s gift to me. He rewarded me for accepting the challenge with waking memories of heaven’s music.

A.B.

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